


The Only Exception

by ohhhkenneth



Category: GOT7
Genre: BoyxBoy, GOT7 - Freeform, M/M, Romance, Smut, Yaoi, all that good stuff, markson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:13:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7641835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhhkenneth/pseuds/ohhhkenneth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackson is no stranger to one night stands or hookups. When the sun sets he comes alive; losing himself in the city lights, finding his way into the beds of guys whose names he didn't even bother to get. Relationships are off the table - he is more interested in the pursuit of unending happiness.<br/>Cars, clothes, money, sex.<br/>Life is easy for a twenty-something gay man in New York, especially when they're as hot as Jackson. What the boy wants, he gets.<br/>That is until his favorite coffee shop barista, Niel, is fired. Niel is a chubby, short, gregarious young man, and Jackson appreciates the brightness he gives off in the mornings.<br/>Jackson is thrown for a curveball when the coffee shop hires Mark Tuan as a replacment for Niel. Mark is a pale and beautiful young man who seems to have everything that Jackson wants, except one thing: he doesn't want Jackson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is a cross-post from my AFF account, you can find the story there under the same name, same author username.
> 
> If you guys sincerely enjoy the story feel free to leave nice comments and give me kudos. I appreciate all the love I receive. 
> 
> xoxo

I have to be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting to have as many potential suitors as I ended up having when I went out to the club on Saturday. I mean, being a young, wealthy, and good looking man - if I do say so myself - works wonders when you live in a large metropolis like New York. Over the year or so that I've been frequenting the bars my "little black book," if you will, has become filled with a dozen or so names of gorgeous and well endowed men that would drop anything if I called them, whether it was 4AM or 4PM, needing a hit. Typically I liked to find myself wrapped up in the sheets with another new body a few times a week. It was almost like a game to me, who could I get next, how long would it take me, that sort of thing.

One of my favorites, if not my absolute favorite, was Joel. He was a little older being 38 and all, but he was the epitome of a great fuck. I had heard stories of the mythical "monster dick" and men whose penises were that of tales and legends, but I hadn't run into one of those prized jewels until Joel. Turns out, they do exist. Unfortunately Joel is married and has three kids, so getting out and away from the family is sometimes tricky. We meet at motels and pretty well anywhere that we can. Sometimes I let him fuck me in his car. When you're horny you become crafty - every surface becomes a perfect place for fucking.

I met Chad online, he was a veteran, back from his tour in Iraq. He and I met on Grindr one evening when I realized that I was too spent and couldn't be bother to go out into the real world to find my night's fun. We exchanged a few contrived messages, "What's up?" "What are you into?" "Where do you live?" etc. After seeing a picture of him, I had to invite him over. I normally wouldn't host, because I don't like the idea of having perfect strangers in my condo where I have artwork that costs upwards of a hundred thousand dollars, but his ass was too great, it was an ass worth breaking a couple rules for.

Chad told me, the first night we met, that he was freshly single and wasn't well versed in bed. I told him it was okay, because I could take the lead, but I was pleasantly surprised that his own self evaluation of being an amateur was completely unfounded. Chad was a maniac.

Within minutes of me opening the front door, I found myself pressed up against the wall and my pants around my ankles. Chad bent me over slightly and buried his face into my ass, eating me out aggressively for what seemed like half an hour. I guess he had been deprived of ass eating for a while, and I was glad to help him out and be his late dinner.

Chad was the one with the perfect ass - even nicer than mine - so I was surprised when he took his saliva coated finger and slipped it into my quivering hole knuckle deep. He began fucking me in my front doorway for fifteen minutes, then lifted me into the living room where he threw me down, flipped me over, and took me for the ride of my life in one of the four positions he had in store for me that night. I guess being in the military really did have its advantages. Chad was incredibly strong, and tossed me around with ease. 

Finally, he finished me off by sticking his perfectly curved cock into my ass and pounded the cum out of me, making it sprout all over my chest. When he finished after me he mouthed a "thank you" and quickly did up his pants. Turns out he hadn't even taken his boots off, and with that he was out the door. I didn't mind that he trekked a little bit of mud in, I'd let him dump dirt all over my house if it meant that he would fuck me like that again. The maid would clean it anyway.

It's true that I have a wide range of men at my beck and call, some are into darker things like BDSM and role playing, some into feet and me stepping on them, still others are into romance and cuddling and "making love." I've been feeling a void inside my chest lately; something I can't quite put my finger on, that's making me anxious. For someone who can have literally anything he wants, why do I get the sense that I'm missing out on something? 

***

Work is something that keeps my mind busy when I'm not cruising or searching for the next hot guy to hit me up. I go into the office almost every day. One thing about me that I take pride in is my time management and conscientiousness; I stick to my schedule and respect my own boundaries and capabilities when it comes to work. My father's business got to where it was with my help, and together we have become incredibly successful. 

The only thing that makes work unattractive at times is the drudgery. It becomes incredibly slow and monotonous at times. Sometimes I find myself playing cheap games on my phone during meetings. That's why I take solace in the small things: the songs on the radio in the morning drive to work, seeing Niel each morning and getting my macchiato, the view from my office when the sun is rising. These are the things that maintain my sanity during the day.

Today was a morning just like every other. I pulled out of the car lot and headed towards Steepz, the coffee shop at the end of my street. They have a drive thru, but I insist on going in to speak with my favorite barista, the hilarious and cheerful Nathaniel.

When I step into the coffee shop, there's a small ding on the door as it closes behind me. There's a lineup of about 30 people, all tapping their feet and looking at their watches for the time. Seems there's a hold up; which is odd, considering Niel is practically a mad genius when it comes to coffee. He'd never let the line get this long.

"What's going on?" I softly ask the older woman in front of me.

"Ugh, they're taking so long. I think they're training a new staff member." she said over her shoulder to me in a very pointed tone.

I was tired too, so I understood her impatience. Coffee was like a drug, and this new staff member was the only thing between these angry addicts and the one thing they desired the most.

I waited and waited in the line, and since I'm my own boss I don't care about how late I am getting into the office, which is why I'm honestly not that upset when I finally get to the counter nearly 20 minutes later. 

The morning gets even weirder as I approach the counter and see that Niel is not working today. Surely he'd be the one training this newbie - he's the best there is. Instead, there's a shy and timid girl showing an even shyer and timid boy his way around the register. His face is down and his visor is hiding his face as he presses and prods at the till's buttons, nodding sternly to himself as the girl explains things to him.

When he lifts his head and greets me, I nearly lose my train of thought. 

"Hi, what would you like this morning?" the boy asks me in a gentle and warm tone.

It takes everything in me not to reply with "You. Right now. In front of everyone here."

I look down at the boy's name tag.  _Mark._

If I wasn't the most logical and rational thinker that I know, I would've believed anyone when they told me that Mark was an angel sent from the heavens to deliver coffee to me in that very moment. His hair was fluffy, a warm and deep golden color, falling neatly over his forehead. 

His eyes were two perfect slits of black that looked like they held the entire universe in them, and when he looked at me with a questioning gaze, I felt as though he had just looked right into my soul.

"Sir?" he asked. A single word that shattered me inside, arousing me beyond all control. It sounded so innocent, yet charming at the same time. What I wouldn't give to have him under me, begging me to enter him, whispering that same word to me in that same voice.

"I'll have a venti, skinny, caramel macchiato. Sorry." I finally answered when I had regained composure.

Mark nodded and turned his attention to the machine. His eyes went from innocent and loving to determined and focused as he worked away on the register.

"That'll be... $3.49 please." he said, looking back at me. I flashed him my gold American Express card, "Oh, credit. Okay, please insert when you're ready."

_Insert when I'm ready? God, this boy._  I thought.

"So, you're new. How are you liking it so far?" I said, punching my pin into the pad.

"It's really fun. I've made a lot of mistakes so far, but I'm excited to keep learning." Mark replied, beaming with light. 

"Ah, customers can be a bit unruly. Don't worry about it, I'm sure they'll warm up to you in no time. You have a very very inviting presence about you." I told him, wanting him to understand that I thought he was doing a great job.

"Thanks." he pursed his lips back and blushed.

"Here, this is for you, keep your spirits high. I'm sure it's the first of many tips you'll get." I handed him a fifty dollar bill and winked, heading off to the side to wait for my drink.

As I walked away I caught Mark's reaction to the tip. He was stunned, he picked the money up and quickly pocketed it, then shouted a thank you to me to which I nodded back at. 

I spent the next few minutes examining the new barista further as I waited for my drink. Mark looked to be about my age, although his gentle and loving demeanor made him appear a lot younger. He was fresh faced, with perfect soft skin and a winning smile that just begs to be returned. Though his eyes were determined and wise, they were juxtaposed on his face by his cute and boyish features. He was truly a sight for sore eyes. Maybe Niel being gone wasn't all that bad, after all.


	2. Two

The following morning came quickly. I woke up to a combination of loud sounds; construction outside, a few dogs barking, and the sound of my cell phone buzzing next to me. I quickly sat up and rubbed my eyes, accidentally knocking away the limp arm of an unknown boy that was laying next to me. 

He was naked. His hair was black, and falling into his face so that I could only make out a few features. He seemed young. Really young.

It took a few hazy seconds for me to realize exactly what happened last night - and that also explains why I was not in my own bed.

_Fuck._

I hated waking up in stranger's places. It was both awkward and annoying having to slip out unnoticed; or worse, having to share painful small talk with whomever was lucky enough to wake up next to me. 

It usually ended with me lying to them about being late for work and calling a cab immediately. 

I rolled over, ignoring the boy's feeble attempts at cuddling me back into the bed.

_Ugh, not a chance._

When I slid my phone unlocked I realized that it was still very early: 8AM. Usually I slept in after a night out, so this was odd.

I must've blacked out around midnight, because for some reason I have no recollection of the ride home... or the things that happened after for that matter.

"Man, last night was so awesome. Incredible." the light and sleepy voice rumbled behind me. "Who knew my first time would be this great?"

I rolled my eyes secretly before nodding and letting out a contrived ' _Mhm.'_

All of these guys are the same. Give them a half decent drunk fuck and they act like they've never had better. I mean, in all fairness I am their first, and I am pretty phenomenal - for lack of a better word - but I could do without every single one of these young virgins I bang falling in love with me.

"Look, I'm going to be late for work. I should go." I began, plotting my escape.

"Awww. Really?" the boy pouted, rolling onto his stomach to get comfortable as he watched me get up and gather the rest of my clothes from around the bedroom.

"Yeah, I have a big day today actually. Lots of work." I said, trying to find my other sock amongst the mountain of laundry around the small room.

"That's funny. Last night you told me that you took the rest of the week off for vacation days, and you even said you would cook me your famous breakfast this morning." the boy explained, looking a little lost. "Is that true, Jackson?"

_God, he even knows my name._

I hated myself in that moment. Drunk Jackson was always promising the world to people in order to get what he wants. Nothing stands between drunk Jackson and his goal. 

I let out a small sigh before I answered, "Look man. I totally forgot about something I had to do today - a presentation. I have to head to the office immediately. How about this, you give me your number and I'll make it up to you another time, deal?"

The boy's eyes lit up a bit, it seemed he was more than satisfied with the possibility of seeing me again. "Sure!" he said, face beaming as he scribbled some digits onto a notepad paper before handing it to me.

I took the paper and stuffed it into my pocket, wishing him a good morning before making my exit. I couldn't wait to be out of there.

As I sped down the stairs, two by two, I nearly tackled over a woman at the bottom who seemed to appear out of thin air. 

"Ahhhh!" she screamed as I scrambled to help her regain her balance. She was an elderly lady with salt and pepper hair neatly tied into a bun. She was carrying a basket full of laundry. 

"I'm so, so sorry m'am." I said in the most apologetic voice I could muster up. I patted her shoulders and rubbed them lightly.

"It's okay, really!" she smiled deeply in a soft and understanding voice. "You must be Tyler's friend. I'm Monica. I'm his mother. I heard you two come in late last night. Must have been quite the study date. Anyway, I'm really glad you're friends with Tyler. He could really use them these days. It's so nice to see him getting out and socializing. Will you be staying for dinner?"

I was stunned. This guy's mother seemed incredibly sweet, and she was talking about his as if he was a ten year old. The whole situation made me extremely uncomfortable and only made me want to escape quicker.

"No, sorry. I have to run some errands this morning, but thanks for the offer." I said, not waiting for a reply from Monica. I waved behind me and headed out the backdoor. 

When I reached the alley I stopped and caught my breath. God, the shit I get myself into. I walked at a leisurely pace towards the end of the block before hailing down a cab. When the cab pulled up I dug in my pocket and took out the small piece of paper with Tyler's number on it. I shook my head playfully and scoffed a little. With a slight grin I crumpled the paper up and tossed it into the steel garbage can next to the street and hopped into the car.

*

When I got home I took a shower almost immediately. I needed to clean myself up, both mentally and physically. After a change of clothes and a quick shave, I wandered around my condo, unsure of what I was going to do.

Tyler was right about one thing, I did take the rest of the week off from work. I hadn't exactly made any plans outside of my escape, so now that I finally was free of the awkward situation I was completely clueless as to what I would do that day.

After about ten minutes flipping through Netflix and finding nothing that grabbed my attention, I decided I should go for a walk to Steepz and pick up a coffee. I promptly grabbed my coat and made my way out.

The green door closed behind me with a familiar ring as I walked into the coffee shop. The smell of dark roast beans filled the air along with the sounds of light chatter and cups clinking.

I waited in the line for about two minutes; it seemed to be going a lot quicker than the last time I was here. Mark must be learning quick, I thought.

As the line pressed on and I inched closer towards the front counter, I felt my heart rate begin to speed up, and my hands get a little clammy - a foreign feeling to me, and not something that happened a lot. It was then that I knew this boy was something else.

When I finally stepped up in front of Mark, I was once again met with the same awe struck sensation.

Mark stood at about 5'8, his hair was full and fluffy, falling into his face nicely. The visor he wore wasn't hiding his eyes this time, and they were large and glistening with a nervous energy as he greeted me once again.

"Hey there. Caramel macchiato, right?" he questioned me.

_He even remembered my drink, wow._

"Uh, yeah." was all I could mutter. I'm such an idiot.

"Sure thing. $3.49 please." he said, grinning at me. I melted into myself, staring at his olive skin and perfect complexion.

I smiled and slid my credit card to him. He picked it up and inserted it into the debit machine, then turned away to one of his co-workers while I punched in my PIN.

As he turned away, I was able to catch just the faint outline of his ass. It was cute; as it hugged his pants, it outlined the cheeks enough to get a picture of what was below the fabric. A walking definition of a bubble butt, if I ever saw one.

I sat there, dumbstruck, and nearly forgot to put my PIN into the machine before a lady behind me nudged my back. I found myself daydreaming about Mark, and what it must be like to touch and feel his naked body. But the most curious thing was that I didn't exactly want to  _just_ have sex with him. Of course, that was on my mind, but for once I felt a different feeling - a feeling I didn't quite know how to explain.

Sitting there in the Steepz lineup, staring at this stranger and nearly frothing at the mouth, I found myself falling in lust with Mark. I felt a deep sense of territoriality over him - I wanted to protect and care for him. How odd, that a boy who I have barely talked to is able to make me feel this way.

"Can I get a name for the cup? Sorry I didn't ask last time." Mark said in a husky yet shy voice.

"It's Jackson." I said confidently, shooting him what I imagined was my warmest smile.

"Here you are." he said back, sliding a hot drink my way.

I grabbed the drink and nodded, turning away reflexively. I made it halfway before I paused and turned back to him.

"Uh-" I sighed. "Just one thing. When are you off today?" I couldn't believe my own voice was forming these words. What the fuck was I doing?

"I'm off at 2PM today. Why?" he said, looking a little apprehensive. 

"I was wondering if you maybe wanted something to eat, or to go watch a movie?" I immediately blushed, and regretting even opening my mouth at all. Why couldn't I just stop?

"Uhm" he huffed, letting out a massive breath of air. "I dunno. I'm sort of, like, busy today." Mark scratched his head and gave a large and awkward half laugh.

"Oh, right. Yeah, no problem. Maybe another time." I said, nearly choking on the ball that was forming in my throat.

I didn't wait for a response before I turned away and sped walked out of the shop. I wanted to create as much distance between myself and the disaster that I had just created.

When I got back to my apartment I nearly slammed the door off its hinges and threw myself onto the couch, smothering myself in the nearest pillow I could find. Screaming into the grey cushion I felt wave after wave of embarrassment and disappointment wash over me. Why couldn't I have just kept my goddamn mouth shut? Since when does Jackson Wang ask  _anyone_ out, and in a coffee shop nonetheless?!

I probably ruined any chance of dating Mark now, and probably any chance of being his friend at all. How am I supposed to go back to the shop now? Oh god, I'll have to drink Starbucks now. What if he laughs at me next time I'm there?

The thoughts coarse through my mind at a million miles a minute. I feel my head getting heavy with stress.

In an attempt to calm myself down I popped an Advil into my mouth and retreated to my bedroom. I shut the blinds and turned the lights off, hiding myself under the covers like a child that was scared of the bogeyman. Except this time the bogeyman was me and my impulsive and reckless behavior - and there was no way of hiding from it, not even under my warm blankets.


	3. Three

I sat cross legged on my barstool, spooning at the remnants of my cereal that morning. It had been a few days since the embarrassing rejection I received from Mark.

My cleaning lady, Mandy, was circling me as she swept and dusted the kitchen. It felt good to have her there with me. Over the years of her cleaning my place we had gotten into some very deep and emotional conversations, and I saw her more as a sister or best friend than my cleaning lady.

"Jackson be real, you know you could go out and have four or five Marks if you wanted. What's so special about this one in particular?" she said, brushing up some dust into a pan.

"I don't know Mandy, that's the crazy part. I am usually immune to these sort of feelings, but this is something so different. It's scaring me, to be honest."

"Aw, sounds like a crush." she singsonged over my shoulder, squeezing it lovingly before walking into the bathroom.

"I don't want a crush!" I shouted after her down the hall. "If this is what a crush is then it sucks!"

Mandy knew me like the back of her hand, and even though I hired her to clean my condo she was doing a better job cleaning me off every time I got myself into deep shit. I really appreciated all her help.

"You know you always get what you want at the end of the day Jackson. Just give it time." she said, coming back into the kitchen. "Besides, it's not like you can just buy his affection."

My ears perked up and my hands went warm after she said that. "Mandy, you're a genius!" I shouted, scrambling to my room to get dressed.

I couldn't see it, but Mandy let out a massive eye roll and followed me into the room like a puppy, trying her best to dispel whatever thoughts were going through my head at that moment.

"Be reasonable Jackson. No boy is going to appreciate you trying to buy their love. If Mark values himself and has integrity he will be offended that you think he can be won over with some trinkets and gifts." she pleaded after me.

I pulled my pants up frantically and buttoned my shirt with incredible speed. I had lots of practice speed-dressing, so this was nothing. I combed my blonde hair back into a nice wave and fastened my watch on my wrist. I wanted to look impressive, regal, and successful - the opposite of what I felt.

"Mandy I know you mean well, but this may be the one chance I have at reversing the painful interaction we had earlier this week. I want him to at least  _like_ me as a person first before anything else. And who doesn't like gifts and money, c'mon?" I said to her as I hugged her small frame and then grabbed my keys and headed out the door in one motion. Fuck walking, I was taking the Porsche today.

*

I pulled up to the shop moments later, and felt a hint of embarrassment knowing that I literally drove two blocks in order to impress a boy. Gritting my teeth I put my car in park and looked around. Passers-by were staring at my car and pointing, acting like I was some sort of celebrity. _Good._ I felt like one.

I put a pair of dark lensed sunglasses on and stepped out onto the pavement. I made sure that when I pressed down on my remote the car made a loud honking beep. 

I walked into the shop again, but this time with an incredibly blasé attitude. I took my shades off and slid them into my blazer pocket before running a free hand through my hair. I could feel a few eyes staring at me. Behind me, two women were giggling and whispering with large smiles on their faces. I could tell they liked me, but I had to remain focused. I only wanted one thing, and he was standing behind the counter.

"Hey, the usual?" Mark said nervously, trying to act calm. I could tell he was a bit uncomfortable.

"Yeah, but make it quick. My car is out front in a fifteen minute loading zone." I said back, pointing at the silver and blue car in the front.

Mark turned his head and looked out the front window. His eyes grew slightly. "Wow." he breathed through his parted lips quietly.

"Yeah. I decided on the Porsche today because my other baby is getting serviced." I continued, hopefully demonstrating to Mark that I was someone with my life together. Someone date-worthy.

"That's cool." he said back quietly, getting my drink ready.

"You like cars, Mark?" I said, trying to make small talk. I needed to keep hearing his voice.

"I guess. I mean, I don't have one of my own. I'm a student, so I just take the bus everywhere." he answered. "I think it saves money and is better for the environment anyway. And besides, I really only go home, here, and school."

"I could see how having a car could be pricey. I personally don't have an issue with that, but hey, student life is hard." I said.

"Well, money isn't everything. My mom told me when I was young that all the money in the world won't be able to buy you back the time you didn't spend doing what you love or hanging with people that you care about." Mark explained, sliding my drink to me. "It's been rough on me having to work and go to school full time, so I know the value of a dollar."

"Well look, money isn't everything but I'm sure it could really help out a struggling student like yourself." I said, leaning into the counter to whisper to him. "Here, take this as my way of saying sorry for the other day."

I slid him four hundred dollars in a small money clip and let him conceal it in his apron. He was startled and looked down to double check that I actually did that, then looked back up at me and furrowed his eyebrow. 

"That's a lot of money. I don't think I'm allowed to accept that." he said, his voice shaking.

"Please, just do it for me. It'll be your way of forgiving me. I'll feel better." I pleaded, wanting him to see how genuinely sorry I was. 

Mark turned away and walked into the back room. I was confused and thought that I maybe offended him like Mandy said. But moments later he came back out carrying a cup and I was rewarded with that million dollar smile that only Mark could make. "Okay. Thank you... Jackson. That's really, really kind of you. But here, take this. That way I won't feel as bad cause it's sort of like you bought something." he said with a small nod, handing me a green mug.

"Okay. Don't mention it. Just make sure you smile more, alright?" I said back to him as I took the mug, enthralled with his beauty once more. "Boys like you shouldn't ever be stressed."

"I'll keep that in mind." he answered, and I swore that I noticed a flush of red come over his cheeks. It warmed my heart as I smiled and walked back out of the shop.

Satisfied, I hopped in my car and took off home.

*

That night I had a few friends coming over for drinks, so I made sure that I was in party mode by the time they showed up. We were inviting a new co-worker out for a night on the town as our way of welcoming him to the firm.

I was just finishing up in the bathroom when I heard a knock at my door and the sounds of muffled laughing from the hallway. Excited, I opened the door and stepped to the side, letting the boys enter one by one. My friend Jaebum walked in first with a few bottles of wine in his hand followed closely behind by Caleb, Jaebum's main squeeze. After Caleb came Kyle, the new member of our work team, and then Steven, a senior member of our team, was the last one to walk through the door. 

I smiled as I greeted Jaebum, throwing my arms over him and squeezing him tightly. I shook Caleb's hand firmly and patted his shoulder before moving to Kyle.

Kyle was around my height, but a lot more muscular than me. He had ash blonde hair and the most intense green eyes. I noticed a few freckles on his nose that seemed to compliment his manly features rather than hurt them. I stuck my hand out eagerly, waiting for him to shake my hand, but after a few seconds of standing there unamused, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a bear hug.

I would be lying if I said my dick didn't swell up slightly at the sudden manhandling. Kyle lifted me with ease and pulled me into his chest where his two massive pecs crushed and rubbed into mine. His cologne was musky and spicy, with a hint of citrus which made him even hotter. I could get used to this new coworker.

"Nice to meet you too, Kyle. Welcome to the team." I huffed back, regaining my composure after he let me down.

"And last but not least Steven." I said, sliding my way to the door to greet my old friend. Steven was older, around 40, but very young at heart. I patted his shoulder and went to shut the door.

"Ah, not so fast. I brought a plus one, I hope you don't mind." Steven interrupted, motioning into the hallway at someone. "Don't be shy, c'mon in." he said.

When Steven's plus one walked into view my hands went cold and I felt my mouth dry up. 

"Jackson, I want you to meet Tyler." Steven said happily, ushering the familiar young boy inside my condo.

"G-Good to... meet you." I stuttered. 

Tyler's sighed and shook my hand, clearly aware of what was happening. He seemed to play along, which I appreciated, but I still felt completely uncomfortable.

"Anyway, feel free to join the others in my lounge area. Grab a drink, make yourself at home." I said. "Steven knows where."

I walked down the hall, loosening my tie as I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. Breathing heavily I stared into my wardrobe mirror and gathered myself.

Just then there was a light knock at my door. Confused, I called out to ask who it was.

"New guy." a deep voice said back.

I opened the door to see Kyle standing there with two wine glasses full of Merlot. He smiled at me and shook them gently towards me expectantly. I sighed and let Kyle enter.

"Why aren't you socializing with the others out there?" I questioned him, still looking into my mirror.

"I figured the best way to get acquainted with the company and its practices is to learn directly from the CEO's son." he said, handing my my glass.

I sipped the wine and sat next to Kyle on the bed. His sleeves were rolled up neatly, exposing dark and furry hair underneath. I let my eyes trail over his forearm and up to his chest. My mind wandered as I pictured the well built and sculpted body underneath.

"You can touch it if you want." he said finally.

"Huh?" I said, confused.

"My body. You're staring at it like you're about to pounce on me." he laughed.

"That obvious, eh?" I admitted shyly.

"Here." he said, putting our drinks down on the end table. He picked my hand up next and placed it on his chest. It was warm, and I could feel his soft skin underneath the fabric of his white shirt.

Kyle closed his eyes and let me put my other hand on his chest. I let my hands explore eagerly, running my palms and fingers over his nipples and shoulders. His body was so soft, yet very hard and toned.

I traced my fingers over his buttons and began to undo them. One by one, staring from the top the buttons came off, revealing what I had expected just moment earlier: his hair covered muscles.

I usually found myself being the more masculine and dominating one, but as I ran my hands over Kyle's large biceps, I realized just how much I wanted to be submitted by him. 

Kyle finished taking his shirt off and then tossed me down onto my bed. My cock jumped inside my underwear, swelling and becoming tight in anticipation.

"Take your clothes off." he demanded, looking at the door as if he was worried someone would come in. That only made it hotter.

It was about 20 or 30 seconds before I was laying back down in front of him, completely nude. I watched as he eyed me up and down, examining my own body and cock. Although Kyle was fit, I knew I was nothing to scoff at. His eyes grew in hunger as he leaned closer to me.

By now I was fully erect, and my cock was lined up and hard against my stomach. Kyle kissed my calf and then worked his mouth up my left leg, closer and closer towards my erection. I shivered at the sensation of his warm lips leaving cold saliva against my bare skin.

Within minutes he was hovering over my cock, which was an easy 8 or 9 inches, waiting to be taken by a warm and willing mouth. Kyle took one more nervous look towards the door before he knelt down and took my cock into his mouth, quickly running his tongue over the slit of my pink head. It felt amazing.

He wrapped one of his hands around the base of my cock, using his fingers to stroke me into and out of his mouth in pumping motions. His lips weren't unusually big, but they worked well massaging me into ecstasy. I threw my head back into the bed post out of pleasure as my hands found their way to Kyle's ash blonde head, grabbing a firm hold of him as he bobbed up and down, taking my entire length into his mouth. I could tell Kyle had done this before.

"Fuck, man. That's awesome." managed to escape my lips as I closed my eyes tighter, feeling my orgasm climbing.

"Yeah you like that?" Kyle moaned back between strokes, completely enthralled with my cock as he continued sucking away at it. He then reached around my waist and grabbed two fistfuls of my soft asscheeks, using them to push me deeper into his mouth. As he pulled me in and out, my cock swelled up and I could tell that I would soon cum deep into his throat.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum." I breathed. "Mmmm."

Kyle took notice and moved back to stroking me with his hands, eager to give me my release. As he pumped and pumped, I felt my lips begin to quiver and my body stiffen up. I came a deep and warm load into his mouth, and he pressed his mouth hard into me, hungry to taste it all. Three or four large spurts hit the back of his throat, and he quickly devourers them before licking away the excess liquid.

I opened my eyes and stared blankly at my ceiling, still coming down from the intense climax I just experienced. Kyle wiped his mouth, happy with himself, and stood up. He began buttoning his shirt up, still smiling at me mischievously.

"Do you want me to return the favor?" I questioned at him as he dressed.

"Nah. Let's call that my gift to you, Mr. Junior CEO. Just remember me next time you think of promotions and raises, deal?" he giggled.

"Yeah, sure thing." I said, falling back into my pillow panting.

Just then there was another small knock on the door before it creaked open. I looked up quickly to see that Tyler was standing at the door with a stunned look on his face. My heart dropped and I scrambled to find my clothes. It was too late though, he already got a whole view of me laying in bed naked, my now soft cock still red from the blowjob, and Kyle doing his shirt up. I was fucked.

"Wow, I guess I am interrupting something. Sorry, was looking for the bathroom." he said trying to mask the hurt in his voice, but it nearly cracked halfway through his sentence, giving him away.

Tyler slammed the door and I heard his footsteps take off down the hall. I sighed and began to collect my things, dressing myself back up.

"You two know each other?" Kyle asked with a confused look.

"You could say that." I mumbled, annoyance in my tone.

"Well, we should get back out there. Party ain't a party unless I'm there." Kyle joked before he headed out.

I collapsed back onto my bed and sighed, wanting to rewind time to a few minutes earlier. Instead I rolled onto my side and laid in the fetal position. 

_Tyler will get over it._  I thought to myself with my eyes closed. I heard the roar of music in my living room and the sounds of laughter colliding with it, and I remembered that I better supervise my guests. JB liked to dance, even though he wasn't the best dancer, and I didn't want to clean up another broken glass picture frame.

As I stood up and went to shut the light off, a shimmer caught my eye. I turned back and came face to face with a green mug sitting innocently on my night stand. Puzzled, I noticed a small note inside. It read: **Thank you again Jackson for your thoughtfulness. I won't forget your kindness - Markie.**

I suddenly felt nauseous, and like I had done something wrong. Cheated on Mark, even. God I missed him. He was the only one I wanted, so why was I still wasting my time on Kyles and Tylers.

I groaned softly to myself and as I shut the light off I remembered Tyler, and realized that he probably is feeling the same way right now - like I just cheated on him.

 


	4. Four

I gripped the leather steering wheel, still unsure of what I was doing was the right thing. Technically I didn't do anything wrong, I could just drive away and not worry about it ever again. Yet for some reason, lately I've been a little more sensitive to other people's feelings, I've been watching my actions a bit more, trying to be less... Jackson. Damn Mark and his stupid compassion for others, and his damn dimples. 

I slammed the door behind me and walked up the cold sidewalk, through the gate, and up to the door. I knocked twice and then took a step back, prepared to leave if nobody answered after the next 15 seconds. Ten seconds later Monica answered the door.

"Oh hello! Come on in, Tyler is just in his room." she said cheerfully, motioning for me to enter the small house.

I took a step in, looking around curiously as I made my way into the living room. The house seemed smaller than I originally remembered, with a lot less "stuff." I guess seeing the place with a sober set of eyes really changed things. I could now tell that Tyler and his mother were... less fortunate to say the least.

"I'll go and get Tyler for you, just have a seat." Monica said, making her way up the stairs.

I nodded and sat down on the brown couch, taking in my surroundings. The walls were covered with a bland floral wallpaper. There were pictures on the wall of their family during various holidays. I noticed a picture of Monica giving a bath to two little boys, they were smiling and laughing in the photo - they looked very close. No where in any of the photos was there a father figure or anything of that sort. I assumed he passed away or left before the boys were born.

"What are you doing here?" Tyler groaned with a demonic voice.

"Tyler! That's no way to talk to a friend." she said, nudging Tyler on the arm before turning to me. "Dear, can I get you anything to drink? Some tea or milk maybe?"

"Oh, um. No thank you." I said, looking down.

"Alright then, I'll give you two some privacy." Monica said awkwardly, retreating upstairs.

Tyler then walked over to the door and opened it, pointing his index finger outside. "Go. Now."

I rolled my eyes and made my way over to him, shutting the door when I got there.

"Tyler, look. I came to apologize." I began. "I know what you must think of me because of what you saw, but I want you to know that you shouldn't really feel all that upset." 

"Oh, okay. That solves everything, my bad." Tyler snapped back sarcastically. "Leave it to Jackson to tell me what I can and can't be upset about. God, you're the worst."

I sighed and sat back down on the couch, putting my hands into my face. I was completely unsure of what I could say in order to placate the poor boy.

"I know I hurt your feelings, but you have to understand... Me and you... 'us,' just wasn't going to work. It was one night, alright? We had fun. That's it." I said, trying to make the words sound less hurtful than they really were.

Tyler flinched a little at that, turning away from me to look out the window. "You told me so many things about how great I am, how cute I look, how beautiful my body is, all that." he said in a monotone voice, still staring blankly into the grey sky.

"I'm sure I did. And all of that is true. You are a great person, I know that-"

"Then what's the problem?!" he interrupted me ferociously. "Why am I not good enough?!"

I gulped, staring at him with a defeated expression. It wasn't him - he was great, sure. It's just... I don't operate like that. I don't  _do_ boyfriends. Attachment, commitment, anything like that.

"Tyler... I need you to understand. I'm not like most guys. I'm fucked up, okay." I said, trying to make it more about me than him. "I can't deal with commitment and I don't fall in love. I sleep with people because it feels good and I like to fill some sort of emotional and physical void inside of me, but that's it. As soon as morning comes I'm gone, and so is all of my ties to that person. I rarely ever spend the night too, just so you know."

"Oh, lucky me... I got to spend a night with The Great Jackson." Tyler said with an even more sarcastic tone. "You're horrible, you know that?"

"I know." I said under my breath.

"You can't go around promising the world to boys and using them for your own selfish sexual pleasures, then cast them away and pretend that they don't exist. Don't you see how that's a problem?" he said, continuing his onslaught.

"Yeah, you're right dude. Look, I get it. It's wrong. I'm a bad person for that. But don't act like you were so innocent, coming up to me and sitting on my lap like that, you wanted it just as much as me." I said, now remembering bits and parts of that night. "What were you even doing at the bar, you're so young!"

"I got a fake I.D. okay, I'm turning 21 next year. It's not a big deal. And I didn't sit on your lap at the bar, I'm pretty sure you asked me to!" he argued.

"Even still, you're young and don't know any better so I'm going to teach you right now: The bar is no place for you to meet someone and become attached to them. The bar is full of people like me, people that will see you as a hot piece of ass, then leave you. It's an unwritten law okay, the cruising game, you'll get the hang of it." I explained.

"So you're saying I'm going to be alone forever?" Tyler said back, his voice going low.

"No. God, you're so immature." I said, getting annoyed. "You're so young, you've got the world in your hands. You've got your entire life to find a partner, don't waste your time pining for the attention of random boys at the bar. Your prince charming will come in time, it's just not me."

Tyler sat down next to me, clearly upset. I put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.

"I guess I got a bit hung up on you. It's just that you're so handsome, heh. And it was my first time, I wanted it to be so much more than it actually was. God, I'm so stupid." the boy said, laughing half heartedly.

I nudged Tyler on the leg playfully. "No, don't say that. You did exactly what I did when I was younger too. The problem is that you're expecting too much, when you need to let things happen naturally. One day you're going to meet a boy who will knock you sideways and flip your world upside down, making you question all of your morals and life decisions. They'll be beautiful and charming, yet mysterious and inviting. They'll warm your heart just by saying hello, and you'll crave their attention, their time, their touch. Willing to do anything to make sure they're safe..."

"Uhhh..?" Tyler said with a blank expression.

_Shit. I trailed off._

"There's someone in your life, isn't there..." Tyler said, his voice growing in suspicion. "Oh my god, there is!"

"No, it's not like that."

"Jackson Wang is in love?  _THE_ Jackson Wang?!" he laughed.

"I'm not in love, there's nobody. Let's get back to you." I said, deflecting.

"What's his name?" Tyler bugged.

"I'm not answering your questions." I snapped, standing up and dusting my pants off. "I'm leaving now. I just wanted to make sure you weren't in your room crying your eyes out over a picture of me and listening to Adele."

"You're not  _that_ hot, Jackson." Tyler said, sneering.

"Yes I am." I answered quickly, putting my shades back on and heading for the door.

Monica came down the stairs with another basket of laundry and called into the living room, "Hey boys. I'm going to cook dinner soon. Will you be staying Jackson?"

"No thank you! I'm fine, I was just leaving anyway. I have work to do." I answered. 

"Have fun man-whoring around. Talk to you later. You can let yourself out." Tyler whispered as he joined his mother in the kitchen.

As I was about to walk out, I took another look around, noticing the cute bathtub picture again. The boys looked so cute laughing together as their mom lathered shampoo into their hair. I picked the photo up and examined it closer, turning it over to read the description. I almost dropped the photo to the ground, and the hairs on my neck raised as I read the back:  _Markie and Tyler - Bathtime, August 1995._

I grabbed my leather jacket from the armchair nervously and slung it over my shoulder. I stood there, stunned as I looked toward the kitchen where the two others were. I overheard Tyler and his mother talking in the next room.

" _He's gotta go, mom! He's a big time investor or something at this firm downtown. He's always busy. He can't stay."_ Tyler moaned to her.

_"Well, I'm sure even big time investors get hungry. And my duck soup is better than anything his money can buy anyway. You know what I always say, Tyler: Money isn't everything. All the money in the world won't be able to buy you back the time you didn't spend doing what you love or hanging with people that you care about." _ she whispered back to the boy.


	5. Chapter 5

When I spoke with Tyler that weekend, it was by neither choice nor was it avoidable. The young, black haired, fresh faced boy was dancing alone in a cage at one of the most busy gay bars the city had to offer. I was out as usual, making my rounds, talking to the people that I recognized and just enjoying myself - I needed to get my mind off of things. 

I strolled past the stage, only offering a half glance at Tyler who didn't seem to notice I was there. When I reached a quiet booth, I slid in and placed my drink down. The music was good that night; a nice mix of Top 40 regulars as well as some oldies. I bobbed along with the music, sipping every once and a while on my beer. It wasn't long before someone caught my eye. He was a little shorter than me, looked to be about my age as well. 

He seemed a bit drunk, but only drunk enough that he was having a good time. His friends were dancing around with him, and I noticed a blue ribbon pinned to his chest pocket that read "Birthday Boy." He smiled and moved his body around fluidly, dancing in time to the beats. He looked incredibly toned, I imagined he was a swimmer or some sort of athlete. I could tell he liked to take care of himself. After watching him for a song or two, I decided that it was about time to meet birthday boy.

As I made my way through the crowd, inching toward the gorgeous boy, I was blindsided by a small body, pushing me into a back corner. Usually I wasn't the kind of person to fight, but tonight a very good looking boy was on the line, and I wasn't about to let him slip me by. I pushed back against the body and then turned around, preparing to confront whoever was brave enough to shove me.

Standing in front of me with a cheeky grin and drunk eyes was Tyler. He slurred his words slightly as he rested his left arm on me, pulling me into a hug.

"J-Jackson... hic." he burped, "What are you doing here? I missed you bud."

Calming down, I gave him a very tense look and sighed. "Tyler, go home, you're drunk." As I spoke to him I peered over his head, looking around for any signs of birthday boy. I caught a glimpse of him in that moment grabbing his jacket and heading up the stairs with his birthday squad. He was gone.

Annoyed and fed up, I turned my attention back to Tyler. "What the fuck man? You just made me miss-" I paused, staring at the smiley kid in front of me. "You know what, never mind. Who the hell did you come here with, and why did they allow you to get this drunk?"

"Shhh~" Tyler breathed, pressing his index finger against his lips and blowing a little. His smile cracked into a light laugh as he leaned closer into me, resting his head clumsily on my shoulder.

"Are you alone?!" I said, realizing that this boy probably snuck out to come here. "Jesus Christ."

"Jackson, I wanna go home with you." he croaked, grasping onto my leather jacket. 

"Forget it. That's never happening again. I mean it, Tyler." I snapped back, making myself very clear. 

"Whyyyyy?" he pouted. "Oh! It's because of that boy you like, isn't it? The one you're in love with? Ha!"

"Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about." I answered him. I had every right to leave the boy there and just go home, but in the back of my mind and deep down in my heart I saw Mark's face, and I remembered that even though I didn't want to believe it, this drunk boy was his little brother. I couldn't live with myself if something terrible would've happened to him, and I know Mark would never forgive me if he somehow knew I could've helped.

"Look. I'm going to get you a cab home and some water. You need to sleep." I said, throwing the boy's arm around my neck and helping him past the coat check and up the stairs. 

When we walked out into the cold night, I realized just how late it was. There were hardly any cars on the road, and the nearest cab would probably take over an hour to get to us. Since I had only drank one beer that night, I made the executive decision to drive Tyler home. 

"Hurry, get in. And don't you dare throw up, this car costs more than your life." I said as I hoisted the thin boy into my passenger seat and buckled him in. I felt like a single parent, strapping in my son's car seat. Tyler looked up at me and giggled, running his hands over my face and smiling.

"You owe me, BIG time." I groaned under my breath, slamming the door and walking around to get in on my side.

The drive home wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. It was a bit of a drive, though, and I wondered just how Tyler got down there in the first place. I looked over to the passenger side and saw Tyler staring silently out the window, watching the streetlights fly by. He wasn't smiling, or giggled, or burping anymore. He looked sad.

"You alright, drunky pants?" I asked him, peering over now and again to check on him.

He nodded softly, not saying anything. I could tell he was sobering up, but I didn't know why he was so upset. Part of me wanted him to be sloppy and drunk again, just so I wouldn't have to deal with his moody emotional problems. 

When we pulled up to the back of his house, I shut the engine off and sat in silence with Tyler for a few minutes. I looked over and let the time pass, hoping that Tyler would eventually speak up about what was on his mind. When I placed a hand on his shoulder, he did just that.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" he said in a low voice. "Why now?"

I felt a bit bad, because the truth was that I was only doing it for Mark, and I knew I was lying to Tyler. But then I felt a rush of annoyance again.

"What, would you rather me leave you there for some 80 year old man to scrape you off the dance floor and take you home to have his way with you? Is that what you would prefer?" My tone was a bit meaner than I intended it to be.

"Yeah, actually. I would. Because at least the 80 year old rapist would at least be genuine, and not sending me mixed signals." he answered.

I scoffed a little, giving Tyler a sarcastic smile. "Look, Tyler. I told you already. There is no 'you and me' it's just me, and then you. What we did, it was fun, whatever. But we're never going to happen. Tonight, all of this, it's called being a decent human being. Please don't read too much into it. Any half decent guy would've helped you home."

"But you're not just any guy, Jackson. I don't know what it is... Maybe I'm just drunk and lonely, but when I saw you tonight my heart exploded. I knew I needed to talk to you, see you, touch you." Tyler was sounding more and more sad as he continued. "Will you spend the night? You don't have to do anything, I just want someone there with me."

"Tyler, stop."

"I'm serious, Jackson. You don't understand. Ever since my older brother Mark left to university, he's been studying and working full time to send money back to my mom and I. Since we have no father, he's the only other source of income that we have. I feel so guilty because I miss Mark so much, he is my best friend, but I know that he is doing everything in his power to help us and it's selfish of me to want him to come home and hang out with me when he's got so much more to look after."

I froze for a minute, holding my breath at the sound of Mark's name. I had never heard Tyler acknowledge that Mark was his brother out loud until now, somehow it felt more real. And I felt more nervous.

"Why-" I gulped, "Why don't you get a job and help out your mom too?"

"Don't you think I would if I could?!" he shouted back at me, starling me a little. "I have tried, over and over. Everywhere I go I'm either not experienced enough, I'm too young, or I'm just not called back for an interview. Since I didn't finish high school it's hard for me to get any sorts of jobs. That's why-"

"Why what, Tyler? That's why what?..." I said, my concern growing.

Tyler looked down and then turned his face to stare out the passenger window. His voice mellowed out and he spoke with a sense of regret. "That's why I'm always at the bar..."

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, trying my best to make sense of what Tyler was confessing to me.

He continued, "I know that if I at least put myself out there and a man takes notice of me, I can give them the one thing that they want: sex. That's something you don't need a high school diploma for. Something I'll never be turned away for, never be unqualified enough for..."

I felt my stomach churn before I unleashed my anger on Tyler, "What the fuck are you saying, Tyler? You're some sort of sex worker? Huh?!" I grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him to look at me. When I did, I was met face to face with what looked less like a 21 year old sex worker and more like a 15 year old kid - like my own little brother. Tyler had tears welling up in his eyes and a trembling lip.

I felt the anger leave my hands and escape from my fingertips. I exhaled and released my grip on him, pulling him into a firm hug instead. I felt Tyler's apprehension fade. His vulnerability collapsed around him, allowing him to melt into my body. He really, really needed comfort in that moment, I could tell.

"Look at me." I finally said after holding him for a while. "I want you to promise me something."

Tyler sniffled and looked up at me with questioning eyes.

"Don't ever, EVER do anything like this again. You got it?" I growled, staring at him menacingly.

"I won't." he squeaked back.

"I want you to promise me you will never do this again. Promise me." I said again.

"Okay, I promise." he said, clearly scared of my voice change.

"You may think it's all fun and games now, but let me tell you... you're in for a world of hurt if you continue down this path. You can't put a price on your own self worth - you will regret it in the long run. No amount of money will be able to replace all of the emptiness you'll feel after you've been used and used over and over by people who don't give half a shit for you. Believe me." I did my best to be brutally honest with Tyler. I was speaking from personal experience.

"I understand, Jackson. I already said I wouldn't do it anymore. I just, needed the money I guess." he admitted.

"That's bullshit. You'll never need money that badly. Hey, tell you what. You can come do some work at my place with my cleaning lady Mandy. I'll pay you a decent wage and it will get you away from this destructive lifestyle." I said.

"Are you serious?!" Tyler's voice beamed. His face glowing with excitement.

"BUT! There are conditions." I quickly cut him off. "First of all, you can't tell anyone about our arrangement. I don't need your little friends thinking that I'm some sort of employment agency. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure. I won't tell anyone. Promise." he replied.

"Second, you cannot, under any circumstances make a move on me. This is never going to work if you are trying to get more out of me than just friendship. I know I've said it five times already but I'll say it a sixth: We are nothing and will never be anything. That means no touching, no flirting, no nothing. I'm serious, Tyler."

He seemed reluctant, but he nodded and I believed him.

"Lastly, I have cameras, security, and Mandy in my building. My condo is worth more than half a million dollars, if you think it'll be easy to swipe a few things to make a quick buck, you'll find yourself not only unemployed, but I'll have you charged and sued for more than you could ever pay back in this entire lifetime." I lied about the cameras, but I wanted to make sure he understood my concern for theft.

"Oh Jackson, you don't have to worry about that stuff. I would never ever steal from you. Thank you for this, by the way. All of it, I'm not just talking about the job. I really appreciate you taking me home and making sure I'm okay." Tyler smiled as he opened the door to the car, getting ready to leave.

"Oh, one more thing. My master bedroom and private bathroom is off limits, not even Mandy cleans in there. It's my own space, you understand." I said to him as he left the car.

"Yeah, of course! Look, I'm gonna get to bed, but here, take this. And this time don't throw it away." he said, passing me another paper with his number on it.

I laughed and took the paper from him, "Yeah, I won't. I'll message you about when you can start. Get some sleep, drunky pants."

Tyler nodded and smiled before he slammed the door shut and disappeared through the back fence door.

I pulled out of the alley and headed home, wondering if I was making the right decision. At the end of the day I felt as though I would be making a difference, if not only for Mark's sake, but his family's. I knew that in a roundabout way, if I could help keep Tyler out of trouble and take a bit of their financial burdens away, Mark would have a better quality of life. He wouldn't have to work as hard, and he wouldn't have to worry about his little brother as much.

I pulled into my garage and left my car, walking into my house with a sigh. Exhausted, I headed to bed. I was glad that tonight I wasn't slamming myself into a young hot twink, or being pounded by a muscle jock. I made a silent promise in my mind that from that moment on, I would refrain from those kinds of hook ups. I didn't need them anymore. I had a new fulfilling purpose in my life outside of work and my company, and he was worth it.

Tonight was the start of something I knew would last for a long time, and I had Mark to thank for it.

 


	6. Six

I had a few very important documents I needed to revise for my board meeting next week, so when I called Tyler like I promised him I would, it was out of actual necessity. My place was a pig sty. I gave Mandy some paid vacation days for her to visit her family for the holidays. It was already December, so I figured I could give her the time off and let Tyler make himself useful. 

 

There was a very timid knock at my door, and I almost didn't hear it over the sound of classical music coming from my surround sound. I abandoned my messy workspace and headed to the door. When I opened it, Tyler stood in front of me carrying a coffee in one hand and a smile on his face. 

 

"I know you're getting stressed over work, so I figured I'd bring you some coffee. My brother is a barista, so I get hooked up with free drinks a lot." he smiled, offering me the brown cup. 

 

I took it and nodded, wanting to ignore the fact that he was talking about Mark and the fact that I already drank Mark's coffee nearly every other day. Instead I just thanked him and let him get settled. 

 

He was just hanging up his jacket when I started to get nervous. I interrupted him, unsure of what exactly I would have to do in order to get him ready to take my cleaning work seriously. 

 

"Um, so... Have you like... Cleaned a house before?" I said awkwardly. Not sure of how to best handle the situation. 

 

Tyler shot me an unimpressed glance. He huffed and walked over to me, placing his hand on my bare shoulder. 

 

"I know you think I'm some young, dumb, slut or something but I assure you, I'm not an idiot. I can clean a house, yes." he stated firmly. 

 

"Okay. Good. I was just checking. You can start at 25$ an hour. That's half of what I pay Mandy. Start with the big stuff and work your way down. I don't care how long or how short it takes as long as it's done right." I instructed. "And try to stay out of my hair unless it's totally necessary, I'm super swamped right now and need to focus."

 

"Got it. No noise, clean good, leave you alone." he repeated obediently. 

 

"Good. Get to it, cleaner!" I joked, ruffling his hair. By now Tyler was taking on the role of pesky little friend to me, almost like a special project. I had almost completely forgotten that I ever slept with him. Little did I know, I was about to become Tyler's project as well.

 

* 

 

Three hours later and not a peep out of Tyler. I finished up my revisions and was curious as to where the kid went. I walked around the silent house to find Tyler on all fours, scrubbing the bathtub of the second guest bathroom. I laughed to myself, wondering if it was appropriate to make a "you're on your knees for a better reason now" kind of joke, but I stopped myself. 

 

Tyler shot me a look that said  _Don't you dare say anything._  And so I didn't. Instead I just watched as he combatted a small stain on the tub's interior, scrubbing madly. He actually knew what he was doing. 

 

"Good work, so far." I encourage him. "I think after this you'll be done for the day."

 

"Cool. I'm getting sleepy." he responded. "Oh, hey Jackson... Since you're being so nice to me and helping me out and all, I decided that I would do you a favour as well."

 

I sighed, knowing that this would probably come up regardless of how hard I tried to prevent it, "Tyler, I already told you. No sexual anything between us, remember. Completely harmless relationship." 

 

"No, not that. Besides I probably wouldn't sleep with you anyway. Now that I'm seeing just how dirty this place can get in such a small amount of time." he shot back. 

 

"Alright, so what exactly are you going to help me with?" I wondered. 

 

"That boy you like. The one who you won't really tell me about? I decided that I would help you win him over." Tyler said smugly. 

 

"Really now? How exactly are you - a single and inexperienced young man - going to help me win over my potential soulmate, hm?" I asked him, expecting to put him at a loss for words. Instead Tyler just stood up and tossed his cleaning gloves into his bucket and smiled. 

 

"It's quite simple actually. I may not seem like it, but I'm actually a very good people reader. It's a skill I picked up meeting all those strangers. You learn to size people up and make judgements about what they would like. My plan is to help you figure out exactly how to win this guy's heart. Judging by the way you talk about him, he's extremely special to you. But I also know by the way you talk about him that he doesn't really see you as anything more than a friend - and maybe not even that."

 

So far Tyler was right; I wasn't making very much headway right now with Mark. I was more or less at a standstill. On the one hand Mark knew me and recognized me. He seemed to appreciate the monetary gifts I give him, but outside of that I don't think he thinks too much about me. I wouldn't even consider us friends. At this point, I was more like a crazed stalker the way I constantly went to the shop to see him without him knowing. 

 

"Alright, I'm listening." I said hesitantly. I knew the dangers of this, and the possibility that Tyler may find out the identity of the boy I was pining after, but I figured that it was just harmless advice. And I could use all the help I could get at this point. 

 

"Step one:  you need to become a person that even you would like to date." he said, sounding like he had already thought long and hard about his advice. 

 

I leaned against the door and crossed my arms, raising an eyebrow ever so slightly. "What are you saying, I am not boyfriend material just yet?"

 

"To be honest, you're not." he admitted, giving me a shrug. 

 

_Ouch._

 

"Okay, I'll bite. What should I change about myself? I already eat completely organic, work out four times a week, have enough money to never work another day in my life, and even still I sit as the vice president of a company worth millions." I grinned. 

 

"Yeah yeah you're rich and hot. Whatever buddy, you failed to mention anything about your personality. And if this guy's even worth it to pursue, he's going to be a lot more focused on the things you have to offer that aren't material." Tyler explained, "Things like honesty, integrity, humility, respect, good listening skills, etc."

 

"I have all of those and more!" I pouted, knowing damn well I was lacking a bit in the honesty department. And the integrity part. And maybe the humility part, too. 

 

_Shit_. 

 

I sighed. "Okay, so I could work on those traits a bit more. But who couldn't?"

 

"That's not the point, dummy." Tyler quickly said back. "You have to be a walking and breathing example of the perfect boyfriend. Something tells me that you have already asked him out... The Jackson I know is too self confident and self righteous to not approach any cute boy without thinking that they're easy."

 

I looked down sharply and tried to mask my slight pain.

 

"And judging by that expression I can tell you that he said no. Which means you actually do need my help." Tyler said, satisfied with his deductive reasoning skills. 

 

"Alright fine. I'm man enough to admit you're right. I messed things up a bit at the start, but I will do anything to make this boy mine. You don't understand, he is a once in a lifetime kind of boy. When I see him, I immediately want to step my game up and do anything and everything I can to hand him the world on a silver platter. He deserves the best and only the best. If what you're saying is true, then I'm not the man that M-uhm,  I mean, this boy needs. And I want to be, so I'll take your advice."

 

Tyler was sitting on the toilet seat, resting his chin in his palm, staring at me with glistening eyes. 

 

"What?" I asked.

 

"Nothing. Just never saw you talk like this ever. Your mood changes, so does your tone of voice and your mannerisms when you talk about... What's his face. It's nice to see. You do have a soul." he joked. "Oh by the way that's another thing. What is this guy's name?"

 

"Ugh, as if I'm telling you that so you can hunt him down and ruin everything. You can call him 'Henry' for all I care." I snapped. 

 

"Fine. Look, I'm taking off. You can pay me at the end of every second week. I don't mind. Just take my advice, alright? Let me know how it goes with 'Henry.'" he said to me, walking out of the bathroom and patting my shoulder lightly before heading out of my apartment. 

 

*

 

The next day I was nearly shaking with how eager I was to see Mark. I stood impatiently in line, cracking my knuckles in nervousness. I remembered what Tyler said about being respectful and modest and I came up with a few ways on how to display that to Mark. 

 

"Hi Mark, how is your day going?" I asked cheerfully. 

 

"Pretty good, Jackson." he replied happily. As short and pathetic as the two phrase interaction was, I couldn't help but feel like I was already growing closer to the boy. 

 

"I'll have the usual." I said, smiling. "Is it a busy morning for you?"

 

Mark punched some things in without looking and began fixing the drink for me. "When is it not a busy morning?" he chuckled. 

 

"True true. You've come a long way, and I'm proud of you for catching on quickly. It's not easy serving all of us crazy customers." I said, trying to tie in all of the good traits I could into the compliment. 

 

"Thanks. Oh hey, I have to talk to you about something. Can you please come by the cafe at around 3pm? I'll be off then. I wanna talk in private." he said hesitantly. 

 

My hands began to sweat instantly. I didn't like the look on his face, it told me that this wasn't a good private talk. I began worrying that Mark knew about Tyler and I, but I didn't know how he would've figured it out. 

 

"Sure thing. 3PM, I'll be there." I said quickly before waving and taking my drink. 

 

The walk home was nerve wracking as I came up with a million excuses as to why I didn't tell Mark about Tyler and I, desperately trying to save myself and his budding relationship. 

 

I checked my watch: 9AM. 

 

_3PM couldn't come quicker._

 


	7. Seven

It was  2:30  when I arrived at the coffee shop later that evening. I was well prepared with a plethora of reasons why I didn't tell Mark about Tyler and I's relationship: I didn't know they were brothers. I meant to, but didn't get to it, etc. 

Man, I was going to kill Tyler the next time I ran into him. 

I specifically told him not to open his mouth about his new job. 

 

I entered the green doors and sat down next to the large window. Mark was busy handing out pastries to some customers. I waited. He saw me and waved, I returned it with a smile and waved back nervously. 

 

  
After he was finished with the baked goods, I saw him disappear into the back. A few minutes later he reappeared and wasn't wearing the black and green uniform that I was so used to seeing him in. Instead he was wearing a denim button up and some  well-fitting skinny jeans. His red hair was free of the usual visor and fell pleasantly in front of his face. He looked so much more attractive in his regular clothes, I couldn't help but think as he walked towards me.    


 

"Hey, thanks for coming." he said, giving me a gentle brush on the shoulder. 

 

"No worries." I answered with pursed lips. "So, what's up?" 

 

  
"Can we go for a walk? I kind of wanna get out of here before they catch me and ask me to stay  late, " he giggled.    


 

"Sure." I agreed, getting up and following his lead out of the shop. 

 

We walked in tandem down the long and grey sidewalk. The air was cold, and the both of us eagerly put our jackets back on. The December chill nipped at my fingers, making me withdraw them back into my pockets. Mark shivered a little, so I offered him my scarf. 

 

  
"No thanks. That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you  about, " he hummed.    


 

"Oh?" I said, swallowing hard. 

 

"Yeah. It's just that you've been really kind to me over the past few weeks. And well... Here,  I want you to have this back." he told me, handing me a thick envelope. The same one I had given him a while back. 

 

When I took the envelope and opened it, I found the neat stack of bills. I did a quick count in my head, it was the entire amount I had given him as tips since we met. 

 

"What's this about? You earned these tips." I said, trying to convince him to take the money.

 

  
"No. I didn't. I did my job, but no coffee and small talk is worth that much. I actually felt really horrible when I accepted this money because I know that I didn't earn it honestly." he explained to me, looking away.   


 

"Mark... I'm sorry if I made you feel cheap or like you owed me or anything." I said, stopping us in the middle of the path and turning to him. 

 

"It's okay. I'd just feel better if you kept the money. I don't need your tips, it's fine, really." he pleaded to me. 

 

  
I felt a sting of guilt and a bit of sadness for Mark: guilt because I knew his home situation when I really  shouldn't , and sadness because I knew he really  _did_  need the money. He was just too proud.   


 

"Okay, deal. No more tips." I finally agreed. "But you should know, that was my way of showing you that I thought you were special. I know - what a lame way of displaying that. I'm still learning how to express myself."

 

Mark continued to walk and turned his head to me, giving me a confused look. "What are you saying?"

 

"It's nothing." I choked out. Mark blushed a little and looked away. 

 

"Anyway, I better get home. Thanks for coming to see me." Mark told me, coming to a halt at he end of the street we were on. "And hey, maybe if I ever get some days off this month we can do something together." 

 

And just like that Mark Tuan murdered me and resurrected me all in the same day. 

 

"Yeah, for sure. Okay, see you around." I mumbled like an idiot. Mark waved and headed down the adjacent road. When I was sure he wasn't looking I let out the most awkward and happy fist pump I could manage. 

 

Mark... Me... Hanging out. The words rang through my skull and warmed my stomach. 

 

* * *

A/N: Sorry this is really short compared to what I usually write. Good things are coming, though. Stay tuned :)    



	8. Eight

The rest of the week was filled with what I can only describe as exhilaration. It was pretty funny how easy Mark was able to shift my mood. My days seemed to get better or worse depending on the amount of interaction we had that week.

I turned on my favorite dance album and glided around the kitchen in pure bliss; I shimmied and twirled, humming to myself as I buttered my toast and flipped my eggs. In that moment nothing could go wrong.

I barely remembered that Tyler was scheduled to work for me that day, so when the young and skinny boy knocked on my door I was a bit surprised. I scurried around looking for something to throw on since I was only in my boxers, but decided to forget it seeing as he had already seen me naked. When I opened the door to let him in he threw me a dazzled glance and walked in. 

"Should I go hide out in the guest bedroom while last night's lover sneaks out?" he asked, walking slowly into the kitchen and taking a bite of my toast. 

"There was no one here last night. Or the night before, or even the night before that I'll have you know." I snarled, grabbing the plate of food from him.

"Wait a second, so you're actually taking my advice?" he asked, looking just as surprised as I was. "That's great news. You're on the road to winning Henry's heart."

I giggled to myself, remembering the alias I had given Mark. 

"I'll also have you know, he told me yesterday that he wants to hang out whenever he's not busy." I mentioned, biting my lip a little.

"What?!" Tyler squealed. "Aww, how nice. Where are you going to take him?"

I took a small bite of my eggs and then leaned against the counter, asking myself the same question inside my head.

"Maybe a nice Italian restaurant, a really cool concert, a night out in one of your VIP lounges?" he suggested.

"No, nothing like that. This boy isn't one for all that sort of stuff. He's down to earth and tends to shy away from expensive things." I explained. "He would appreciate something a lot more personal and intimate."

"I have the perfect idea!" Tyler exploded. "You should bring him to the museum. Henry sounds like an old soul. I'm sure he'll appreciate some good ole fashion learning."

"That sounds so boring though..." I sighed. "Do you really think he'd like that?"

"Trust me. It'll be so unlike you that he will be completely swooning." Tyler replied.

I wasn't really in any position to argue with Tyler and his advice, considering that my version of taking a guy out was basically bringing them to a bar and getting drunk with them before finally making it back to my place. Maybe the museum would be a fun change; I seemed to be doing a lot of changing lately. I liked it.

"Alright, sounds good. Museum it is." I said cheerfully.

*

The next few days I sat around at work, going through the motions and doing whatever work I could to keep myself busy, but I always ended up going back to Mark and the possibility of going on a date with him. The thought of it alone made my cheeks flush and my lips curve. 

It was the end of the week when I finally worked up enough courage to face him again. Friday afternoon. Mark was off in ten minutes. I decided to wait and surprise him.

I pushed through the door and sat in my usual spot, waiting for Mark to make his exit from the back. When the red head came walking out, his head was hanging low and his shoulders were hunched forward. Something was wrong.

He wasn't watching where he was walking, so when he passed by me I wasn't surprised that he didn't see me. I grabbed him by the arm gently and stopped him.

"Mark, hey. What's going on?" I asked. I could tell he was going through something in that moment. Mark looked a little happy to see me, but his joy faded as soon as it came. 

"Oh, hey Jackson. Um, not much. I guess I'm just not having the best day." he answered with a fake smile. "It's good seeing you though, you always seem to make me laugh."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I offered with a soft smile.

"I would love to, but I already told my friend I'd meet her to finish up our project for one of my poli-sci courses. I don't wanna fail or let her down." he sighed. "Besides, I don't want you to worry about me. There's nothing going on. I just feel down today, that's all."

"Alright, if you say so. But you know you can talk to me, right?" I asked, putting my hand on his shoulder lightly. "And hey, I was thinking about what you said last week. About how you and I could hang out sometime. Did you mean it?"

"Of course." he said. "I was sort of thinking about it too, and I'd really like to spend more time with you outside of... this place. I feel like our lives revolve around this stupid coffee shop."

"I know! We're always here haha. It would be so nice to hang out somewhere else for a change." I said excitedly. "I have tickets for this new museum exhibit that's opening next week. It's Tuesday. If you don't have anything planned we could check it out?"

Mark raised a brow slightly and chuckled to himself. "You really wanna go to a museum?"

I swallowed and began to get a bit nervous. "Yeah.. I mean, if that's lame then we don't have t-"

"It's perfect." he cut me off. 

"Serious?" I whispered.

"Yes. I've always wanted to go to a museum. I've never gotten the chance, but being an anthropology major it's something I'm super interested in." he said.

_Score. Thank you Tyler._

"Alright, cool. Well I'll pick you up here after your shift on Tuesday then. That cool?" I said smiling.

"Great. Oh, and here, you'll need this to get a hold of me." he said, offering a piece of paper to me. On it was ten numbers with the word  _Mark_ handwritten beautiful above them. My heart fluttered a little, realizing that Mark had just given me his phone number.

"Oh, right. I'll make sure to text you then." I said, reining back my smile so that he didn't think I was a goof.

"See you then." he said back to me, heading out of the store.

*

That night I sat on my sofa alone, staring at my cell phone. I was completely in unchartered territory. I stared at Mark's name in my contact list, wondering when it would be appropriate to text him. I received a lot of boy's numbers, but I'd never, ever texted any of them. Now I had a number I wanted to text, and I was completely scared to. _How ironic._

I spun my phone around on the cushion, sighing to myself and coming up with things to tell Mark when I finally had the balls to message him. Before I could think too much about it, I was interrupted by my phone buzzing.

It was Tyler. 

**Tyler Tuan (text message):** "Hey Jackson.  Can't make it for work today. Mom very sick.  Going to hospital. Ttyl. Sorry."

I sat up, reading the message a few times before realizing that both Mark and Tyler had the same mother. It all made sense to me now. Mark was just putting on a brave face for me. Part of me wanted to call him and offer to pick him up, but I couldn't do that without first coming up with a reason as to just how I knew his mom was sick. The indecision was eating at me as I stared at the message.

My sadness for Mark, mixed with the anxiety of not knowing his mom's condition made my heart race and my brain get fuzzy. I wanted so badly to race to Mark's side and console him, and let him know that I am there for him. This was another new feeling, empathy; I felt my a ball form in my throat and my eyes get a little misty as I remembered how drained and upset Mark looked earlier that day. His face was burned into my mind, and I realized then that his pain was now my own, and I really truly cared about him.

My throat was dry when I swallowed. I took a big breath and dialed Mark's number. There was an empty silence while the phone rang. 

A few seconds later, Mark's low voice answered. "Hello?" he asked.

"Mark? It's Jackson. How are you doing?" I said. Mark didn't answer for a while. I paced around my kitchen, expecting the worst as I waited patiently for the boy to respond.

I felt my heart sink a little when finally did speak.

"Jackson... I need someone to talk to.. It's-" his voice broke. I heard him sob a little, and then take a sharp breath through his teeth, sniffling softly. "It's my mom."

"Mark, where are you? I'll be there as soon as I can." I answered quickly.


	9. Nine

Mark wore a dark hooded sweater, hunched over on a park bench when I pulled up. I turned the engine off and exited slowly, not knowing what kind of condition he was in.

"Hey you." I said very softly, my hands in my pocket awkwardly. The bench was lit up by only one faint streetlight that flickered pathetically above us.

Mark sniffled lightly and looked up at me. His usual glow was replaced with a sort of weary, dismayed look. His eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying all night.

"Thanks for coming," he smiled a little, "You really didn't have to."

"It's nothing. How you holding up?" I pressed. Mark scooted to the left a little to give me room on the bench. I happily sat next to him.

"She's got pneumonia. The doctors originally thought it was something a lot worse, but their tests came back negative. So they think she should be fine in a couple weeks minimum." He told me.

"I'm sorry to hear that, man. I'm glad it wasn't something worse though. That must be really scary for you." I said.

"Yeah. I get really sensitive when I know bad things are happening to my family. There’s only three of us now, and it hasn't been easy being their only support." He admitted, running a hand through his auburn hair.

The streetlights above us flickered a little and then popped, leaving the small-lit circle around us go completely black. Mark let out a defeated chuckle; it was nice to hear him laugh - even if it wasn't genuine.

"Well, this is perfect." I whispered to him through the darkness.

"Sorry for bringing you out here. I just like to be outside where I'm alone. Plus, I couldn't see my mom like that very much longer. Tyler, my little brother, got a ride home from the hospital with a friend so I was a little lonely." He whispered back.

"Well, I'm glad you called. I didn't have much planned for tonight anyway." I replied, moving a little closer to him. "And to be completely fair, I sort of couldn't wait until Tuesday to see you again."

Mark turned his head to me, although I couldn't see his face clearly through the darkness, I knew he was appreciative. I saw the fog of his breath cloud up around us. He didn't really say anything, he just sort of sighed.

I leaned forward, unsure of what he was thinking of in that moment. I didn't want to weird him out or anything. But to my surprise, Mark leaned his head on my right shoulder, then let his body exhale and huddle into me. I was caught off guard, unsure of what brought this on, but I wasn't complaining for one moment. 

"Your mom will be okay, Mark. Don't worry about her so much. She's a strong woman." I hummed down to him with confidence. I had met his mother a couple of times, and if I was right about her fighting spirit, she’d pull through.

"Thanks Jackson." he answered, nestling his head a little more into me.

Although I was in shock a little, I handled the situation as delicately as I could. I wanted the moment to last forever, but after a few minutes my arm fell asleep and began throbbing with electricity. 

I very gently nudged Mark; he seemed to be falling asleep. I was glad that he was able to find comfort, even if it was at the sacrifice of my own.

"Hmm?" Mark yawned lightly, realizing that he was dozing off. He sniffled and pulled his head away.

Immediately I felt the blood rush back into my arm. I felt relieved but also a little disheartened; I wish it were like this all the time, Mark by my side.

“You’ve had a rough day. Let’s get you home, alright.” I said, patting him on the left shoulder. He looked down and nodded, rubbing one of his eyes sleepily.

Mark followed me back to the car and hopped into the passenger’s seat. I started the engine and pulled out of the park slowly. I asked for Mark’s address for good measure, knowing full well where he lived already.

Five minutes into the cruise, Mark was out again. I looked over and saw him there, peacefully snoozing away. A warm feeling swirled in my gut. His hand laid innocently a few inches away from mine, near the gear shifter.

I thought for a moment about holding his hand, but I decided not to.

_Baby steps, Jackson._

I was not used to this “taking it slow” business. In my world, if I wanted something I made a move at it – making it happen. But with Mark it was different.

I almost didn’t want to push myself too far into it. I felt as though rushing things would ruin it. Just like under-watering a beautiful plant. It needed time to grow, time to build up naturally so that it’s roots could grow in.

Mark was my beautiful rose, and I wanted to make sure that we had a strong foundation before I made any sort of ass out of myself. I was finally in it for the long run, and driving down the night road with him sleeping next to me definitely confirmed my feelings.

I just hoped there was a future for us. Feelings of worry crept in every now and then when I thought of Tyler and the situation I was getting myself into.

On the one hand, I could tell Mark that I was in contact with Tyler… but I feel as though that would only anger Mark and really hurt his feelings, knowing that I lied to him like that.

_Fuck, what was I going to do._

As we got closer and closer to Mark’s house now, I too was getting closer and closer to my decision.

I would just tell him – better to be outright and honest, and risk upsetting Mark. At this point, waiting any longer would only increase the hurt and pain he would feel if he did end up finding out.

“We’re here Mark. You’re home.” I said in the calmest voice I could, nudging the boy’s warm hand.

Mark blinked a couple of times and looked out the window, smiling when he saw he was home.

I took a large gulp and then prepared myself to explain myself to him. I needed all the cards to be out on the table right now, or I wouldn’t ever do it. It was all or nothing, forever or never.

My fingers went cold, and my palms became a sweaty mess as I tensed up, gripping the wheel harder. My voice was shaky as I began.

“M-Mark?” I stuttered lowly. “I have to say something.”

Mark turned his head back and shot me a gorgeous eye smile, stopping me dead in my tracks. It was one of his trademarks in his arsenal of beauty, right next to his giggle snort and his beautiful toothy grin.

“I don’t know how to thank you, Jackson. These past couple weeks have been nothing but stress for me, and I feel like you’re the only solid thing that’s been positive in my life. You meeting me tonight just proves that.” He whispered, leaning across the gap between seats and planting a sweet and wet kiss on the ball of my cheek.

The coldness from my fingers shot down my arm and to the bottom of my feet, painting my skin a white color evocative of a ghost. Mark smiled and leaned back, his mouth curved into a shy smile.

“What were you going to say?” he said, sounding a bit sorry.

My head felt as though it was about to explode. Four million thoughts shot around, ricocheting off my brain lobes. I felt myself going to admit everything… but another feeling, the same gut warming feeling that swirled around me from before, stopped me.

“Nothing. I wanted to say again how excited I was for Tuesday, that’s all.” I replied in a soft and awkward stammer.

“You know what, me too.” Mark happily answered. “Anyway, thanks again for the ride. See you on our date, Jacks.”

And just like that every ounce of false self-righteousness I built up disappeared. I couldn’t tell him now; I’d be risking everything I’d waited so long for. The special brand of kisses that only Mark had to offer. I felt the warmth in my stomach simmer down and vanish, replaced by an eerie ambivalent feeling – I was incredibly happy yet guilty at the same time.

It felt amazing, but it was wrong. I knew that. Naturally, the old me would brush it off and lie through his teeth without a second thought. But I was doing so well, and making such progress.

Was I really going to throw it all away now, just because of a sweet, soft, heart-racing kiss on the cheek?

The area on my cheek still tingling, I started the car up and peeled out of the driveway. A smug grin slowly formed on my face as I played the kiss over and over in my head.

I was wrong, sure. But it felt so, so right.


	10. Ten

"You look fine, Jackson. For the third time, you look amazing." Mandy was busy dusting the mantle, reassuring me of my looks as the I examined myself in the mirror. 

I decided to wear a fitted black shirt, paired with some nice polyblend slacks. My hands were sparkled with silver rings and my blonde hair was slicked back proper and sexy, just how I liked.

"I'm sure Mark is going to fall head over heels," she said, giggling when I winked at myself in the reflection. 

"Who's the man?" I asked with a boyish grin, staring over at Mandy for her to finish it.

Mandy sighed and her eyes rolled over to the side a little at me, "You da man..." she huffed lowly.

"That's right." I snickered, staring back at myself one last time.

"Get outta here now, you're gonna be late," Mandy warned, tapping her wristwatch a few times.

"Wish me luck!" I said over my shoulder as I walked out, not waiting for Mandy to reply because let's be honest - luck was the last thing I needed.

*

I strolled into the cafe around the time Mark was getting off. I looked over the counter and saw him come out from the back, his co-workers giggling and pointing, acting shy behind their hands. 

Mark must've gotten ready before hand, or maybe it was just his natural beauty because for some reason he was absolutely glowing. His hair was fiery silk, tousled around his head in a cute and shaggy style. His button-up shirt and black jeans looked casual, yet Mark's aura made it sophisticated. 

"Ready to go?" he asked, waving a hand when he saw me.

"Whoa," I blinked a few times, impressed at how good he looked, then nodded, opening the door for him.

"Where's your car?" Mark stopped, turning to me with a confused look.

"It's there. Red Lexus." I said, pointing confidently at the luxury sports car parked three vehicles down.

"What happened to... the other?" Mark mumbled, scratching his head.

"Oh, that car is at home. I thought this one would be nice for tonight. Matches your hair." I teased, opening the door for Mark to which he hopped in with a giggle.

The drive to the museum was a short one, but since the exhibit I wanted to show Mark didn't open for another hour and a half, I figured it would be a good time to feed my boy.

I had called in advance to one of my senior executives, Francis, to prepare us a table at his sister's restaurant. They were a traditional and family run business, specializing in nothing but the highest quality Italian food.

"Hope you're hungry, handsome. This place has the best food you've ever tasted." I boasted, pulling up to the establishment. 

"Hey, I've heard of this place. I thought the reservation waiting list was months long, how did you even get us a spot?" Mark's eyes were widened a bit as he exited the vehicle. 

"I wanted to make sure you had a nice meal before we did all of that learning today," I replied, offering my arm out for him to link with. 

Mark rewarded me with a smile of his own - the same one that always burned a grin back onto my face and lit my cheeks up with blood. I made sure to walk a little slower, enjoying the feeling of having one of the most gorgeous boys in the world attached to me by the arm. I felt untouchable.

 

"Ah, Jackson. Good to see you!" Francis smiled, extending his arms out to me in a warm greeting. 

"Francis, always a pleasure." I chimed back, "This is Mark Tuan. He'll be joining me for dinner."

"Of course, we have your table ready right now. This way, please." with that, Francis motioned frantically for the waitresses to prepare our table with utensils and menus. I followed closely behind Francis, Mark still linked to me.

Francis led us into a small area in the back that was closed off from the general public by a silk veil. It was dimly lit and had soothing music playing over the table. There was a bottle of champagne already sitting in an ice bucket when we arrived at the table. Francis pulled my chair out, and I quickly stepped to the side to pull Mark's out for him.

"Thank you, Jackson." Mark giggled as if the gesture was more silly than chivalrous. I nodded with a grin.

"If there's anything else I can get you, please don't hesitate to ask. Other than that, enjoy your meal." Francis said, giving me a warm pat on my shoulder. I mouthed a "thank you" to him as he walked away.

It wasn't until we were finally alone that the feelings of romance began to creep back into my skull. I finally felt as though we were on a date. The candle light danced and flickered in Mark's face, painting sparkles all over his dark eyes like a starry night.

"I just gotta say, and please don't get embarrassed or sick of me saying this. I know it can get annoying..." I mumbled.

"Yes?" Mark asked, looking confused.

"You're just, ugh. You're so handsome." I said. I was beginning to embarrass myself, realizing that I probably sounded like some giddy teenage girl.

Mark scrunched his face up into a silly grin and thanked me. "You're really cute too, Jacks."

In my mind I screamed "really?!" but my mouth simply smiled and my head looked down bashfully. 

_Mark thinks I'm cute._ There is was again, the teenage girl in me.

"What do you think I should get?" Mark broke my stares with a look of his own, meeting my eyes just above the brim of the centerpiece between us. 

"The pasta here is delicious. Everything is homemade from local deliveries." I said confidently, placing a finger on the menu where the pasta section was.

"Oh wow, this is really expensive," Mark said nervously, looking at me as if he'd done something wrong.

"No, no it's okay." I remembered just then what Tyler had said about not taking it too extravagant, and how someone like Mark would be off-put by expensive nights out.

I didn't want Mark to feel as though I was going to be spending over 300$ on our food alone - even though I was.

"Hey, don't worry about it, Mark. Francis is my co-worker, they're giving us an employee discount for tonight. Everything is free." I lied, trying to convince Mark to order without feeling bad.

"I mean, alright. Still, who would ever pay this much for a bowl of fettuccine?" Mark's question was rhetorical as he skimmed his eyes down the length of the menu, stopping when he saw what he wanted.

"I'll have the prime rib, make sure it's well done with a side of caramelized onions and mushrooms, the garlic mash is fine," I instructed the waitress as the eagerly jotted down my order.

"And for yourself sir?" she squeaked to Mark.

"Um, I'm not sure how to pronounce this," Mark said, holding the menu up to her. She squinted and leaned in, nodding a second before jotting down his order too. 

Man, he's adorable, I thought.

While we waited for our food to arrive, I listened as Mark went on a long explanation of why microwaves were bad for our health and how we should only eat organic and avoid putting preservatives in our food. 

I couldn't be more uninterested in that topic, but between the wrinkles on his forehead every now and then, mixed with the determination in his eyes and the conviction in his voice, Mark was completely drawing me in.

"Sounds like you really care about health and the environment," I said, a little overwhelmed with information.

"Well, we only have one body right? Just like we only have one Earth. Why shouldn't we take care of it?" he asked seriously, then smiled shyly.

"I wish I had that much investment in something other than work." I groaned, taking another sip of my champagne. 

"You must have some hobbies, no?" Mark pressed.

Flashbacks of me being naked and sprawled out on a table between the thighs of a stranger instantly entered my mind. I quickly shot the idea away and tried honestly to think of something I enjoyed on my spare time.

"I guess I like the gym. Working out is an escape just as much as it is enjoyable." I said to him. 

"I sorta figured you worked out. I mean, look at those guns." Mark teased, pushing his finger onto my arm.

For the first time in my entire life I was shy about my body - I flinched back and covered my bicep with my hand, curling into myself like I was being attacked. Normally, I would've flexed and proudly displayed my hard work, but sitting here at this table across from Mark had me completely and utterly self-conscious.

He appeared to give zero effort into his appearance, yet managed to look as though he was carved out of the finest marble. His smile looked so real and genuine, and for a second I felt as though I was beginning to understand Mark. 

I wanted could listen to him talk about microwaves, organic food, whatever, forever. I had no other place in my mind that I'd rather be.

 

We almost finished the bottle of champagne when our food arrived. My stomach grumbled lowly when I saw the fine meat placed in front of me. Mark ordered the carbonara in a white wine sauce. It looked equally as good. I wasted little time before going in with my knife and fork, pulling the meat apart hungrily.

Mark took his time, twirling the food on his fork playfully. It almost made me sick how graceful he looked even when eating. It was nearly a damn art form, the way he ate.

Five minutes into the meal Mark's phone begins buzzing on the table. He grabs it, looks at the caller, and then excuses himself from the table. I gladly take the time alone to check myself out in the nearest reflection I can find, pulling the emergency comb out of my pocket and doing a quick one over of my hair.

When Mark comes back he looks a little apologetic. "I'm sorry, Jacks. I totally forgot I took my brother's key this weekend when I visited them at home. He needs it because they're going to be locked out if the house otherwise. I told him where I am, though, so he'll be here soon to get it. I hope you don't mind, we can leave to the museum right after, and then no more distractions. Promise."

I didn't know if my ears were deceiving me or not, but it sounded like Tyler was on his way to come and see us. I felt the hairs on my arm rise a little, and suddenly the room became a little hot and stuffy.

"Yeah, sure." is all I could say back, my Adam's apple lifting and falling nervously. I'm not a religious person, but in that moment I felt myself praying for help - a miracle even.

 


	11. Eleven

I felt the nerves in my stomach escape and find their way up my esophagus, the feelings of guilt slowly consuming me; I knew I needed to make this right, and that if I didn't, I'd risk losing both Mark and Tyler too. 

"This champagne is really tasty too, I try to stay away from alcohol but now I can see why people drink it so much." Mark yammered, examining the bubbly liquid in his glass, all the while I shifted and fidgeted in my seat.

_Calm the fuck down,_ I told myself over and over, doing my best to seem as though nothing was wrong and that weeks of lies weren't about to unravel in front of me in a few minutes.

I had to act quick.

"Mark, excuse me for a moment?" I swallowed, placing my handkerchief onto the table. He nodded and so I excused myself to the bathroom.

As soon as I entered the bright fluorescent lit bathroom, I busted through a stall door and closed it behind me quickly. I drew my phone from my pocket and frantically dialed Tyler's number. To my luck, the young man answered after the first ring.

"Uhh, hello?" he asked, sounding a little surprised. I didn't normally call him, usually only texted, so it was expected. 

"Tyler! Yes, hi!" I nearly shouted back. I cleared my throat a little, quickly adjusting my voice to sound less threatening and scary. "Where are you right now?"

"I'm just on my way to see my brother. I forgot that I gave him my extra set of keys to the place, and I need them back. Why, what's up?" he asked me, blithely unaware of what was going down.

I covered the microphone and let out a small sigh of relief. I knew that the next forty minutes or so were going to be intense and that I needed to handle this delicately.

Tyler was about to blow the lid on my entire plan - a plan that I knew was twisted and wrong, and that I sort of just fell into - and I needed to make sure that that didn't happen. If he showed up now and saw Mark and I together, he would know that I've been pining over his brother for some time now, and that I lied. Which, ultimately, would mean that Mark would figure out that I lied too. 

And Mark's opinion of me was really the only thing that mattered - the only reason why I was now sweating bullets in a small one person stall trying to defuse this time bomb instead of enjoying my date with him.

I needed to stop Tyler. I didn't care about anything else at that point.

"Listen to me Tyler, listen very carefully." I sounded tense, most likely startling Tyler even more. "You're about to show up to a restaurant where Mark is currently at with a date."

"Oh, he's on a date? How do you know?" Tyler questioned.

"Because I'm the date. It's me. I'm here with him." I almost choked on my words.

Tyler was never the sharpest tool in shed, so it took him a few seconds to figure out exactly what I was telling him. But, when he did, it was hell.

"You... _WHAT?!_ " he shot the words at me through the phone. "What the fuck?"

I knew what to say thus far, but I was at a loss for words now that I was put on the spot. I decided to stick to the truth, that way I could avoid tripping over any details that might haunt me later.

"Yeah, I'm here with him. He's the boy I've been seeing. He's 'Henry.'" I continued.

I heard some fumbling on the other end of the phone, like Tyler was physically distraught with what I was saying. He cursed a couple times away from the mouth piece and then returned even louder than before.

"You piece of shit, why didn't you tell me?!" I could feel his anger burning through, each word more confused and manic as the last. He had every right to be upset. I just didn't want to deal with it at this very moment.

"Tyler, look, I'll explain later. I just need you to promise me that you'll keep quiet about this to Mark. I haven't told him yet." I pleaded, hoping to hit the small bit of humanity Tyler still had left in that moment. 

No such luck.

"Fuck that! You're not going anywhere near Mark after I tell him everything you've done and who you  _really_ are. I can't believe you'd lie to him like that- TO ME EVEN!" he barked.

Feeling trapped and defensive, something inside me began to bubble, like an animal instinct, when you're cornered - there was a faint flicker of the old Jackson coming through. 

"Tyler, I swear to god if you say anything about this to Mark I will make sure that not only he, but also your mother know exactly about all the things you've been doing for extra money on the side. I'm sure they'll be pleased to hear what a sexual entrepenuer their little Tyler is." I suddenly couldn't control the venom that was coming from my lips, "And not to mention how hot and horny you were for me that night at the bar without even knowing my name."

"Are you being serious right now Jackson?" is all Tyler could get in before I kept going.

"You claim to have this great bond of trust and honesty with Mark yet you're no better, you've been hiding this from him for so long he probably doesn't even know the real you. So go ahead Tyler, you do what you need to do. But just remember that while you're busy ruining my chances to be with Mark, you'll be sealing your own fate. Mark will never look at you the same after he's heard the young man you've grown to become." I huffed, feeling my hands tense around the phone tighter.

There was silence on the other end. Tyler wasn't speaking, but I could hear him breathing steadily. I knew I struck a chord.

"You'd really do that?" he said lowly.

"Of course I would." is all I said back.

"I'm outside." Tyler said sternly, hanging the phone up instantly.

My blood ran cold as I put my phone back in my pocket and exited the bathroom. I wiped the sweat from my brow, feeling a dark sense of security in my blackmail towards Tyler. He wouldn't risk his relationship with Mark over a silly boy, I knew he wouldn't.

 

"Jackson, this is my little brother Tyler." Mark said cheerfully, pointing towards Tyler, who looked as though he was killing me over and over in his mind.

"Nice to meet you." I greeted him, keeping my cool, trying to be polite but not to draw attention to myself either.

"Yeah, you too. Hey Mark, where's the keys? I gotta get out of here, pretty busy." Tyler looked away as he spoke, as if he couldn't wait to leave. I didn't blame him. 

"Yeah... sure, let me get them outta my pocket, it's in coatcheck right now. I'll be right back." Mark answered, sounding a little disappointed as he left to retrieve his coat. 

As soon as Mark was gone Tyler sidestepped right towards me and shot me a eyeful of hate. 

"You better have a better plan up your sleeve for telling Mark the truth, otherwise I will. You can't blackmail me forever. Don't forget, blood is thicker than water. He can hate me, sure, but he will still love me, and at some point he'll get over me lying to him. I'll make sure of it. You on the other hand... you're just a whore. Boys like you come and go. Once he hates you that's it... you're done. You don't get a second chance, Mark is far too sensitive for that. I'll make sure of it, too." his voice was sharp and mature, I'd never seen that side of Tyler. Truthfully, it worried me a little. His threats were definite possibilities.

I swallowed hard, trying not to flinch at Tyler's attack. Mark returned with the keys and placed them into Tyler's hands.

"I get it, you're busy. I feel like we don't hang out enough, but that's cool, I totally understand. I'm really proud of you for finally finding a place to work, even if you won't tell me exactly where it's at. I know it's been tough for you to find something stable. Your boss must see something special in you." Mark smiled with his eyes and patted his brother on the shoulder.

"Yeah, sounds like a great employer. I'm happy for you too." I interrupted, shooting Tyler my best facetious smile. That must've caught him off guard, too, because he looked down quickly and coughed a few times to deflect the attention.

He remembered damn well in that moment that even though I was in the wrong, I still had my roots deep enough into him to be moved right now. He couldn't sell me out to Mark, it would be devestating for him. He needed me. 

I needed him too, though. 

Now that the truth was out, Tyler was becoming more valuable to me. He was the closest thing to Mark that I had, aside from Mark himself. My link to him. He could help me with damage control, and even aid me in developing a plan to come clean with Mark at last. 

It was going to be okay, for now at least. 

I was finally able to breath after what felt like an hour of straight anxiety. The air rushed into my chest and I felt my shoulders drop.

I turned over to Mark and kissed him on the cheek when Tyler left, placing my hand on his lower back. He leaned into me and giggled shyly, playfully pushing me away.

"Let's finish our date first, how about that?" he teased, tracing my fingers lightly.

I lifted my eyebrows quickly and dropped them slyly, "Sounds amazing, Mark." I said, sitting back down with him.


	12. Twelve

“Okay Jackson, I really have to go to bed now. It’s almost  4AM. ” Mark’s voice was getting more exhausted, and as the night went on it began to sound more light and sleepy.

It would be a lie to say that I didn’t love the sound of his tired voice. It was music to my ears.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should sleep.” I admitted, feeling a pang of disappointment as I realized just how late it was. “I can’t believe we stayed on the phone all night, I hardly even noticed it.”

That was true. Every time I talk with Mark, the concept of time tends to blur.

“It was nice.” Mark yawns cutely.

I let a moment of silence fill the conversation before answering calmly and quietly, “Yeah… It was.”

“Hey, Jacks?” Mark asks, nearly whispering now.

“What’s up?”

“I had a lot of fun on our date today. I just wanted to know when I’d be able to see you again?” He sounds a little hopeful, and it’s absolutely adorable.

This is the first true time that I felt _desired._ Mark and I had only been on one date, but even then it was always me going to the café for excuses to see him, showing up at his work with a dumb smile. I was even the one who asked him out in the first place.

But now, here Mark is at 4AM somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, wanting nothing more than to know when he can see me next. It was a feeling of pride; I had to hide my face in my pillow and squeeze my phone, doing my best not to squeal at all of the emotions running through me in that second.

When I gained my composure and was no longer a puddle of mess, I cleared my throat and answered, “I don’t know. When do you want to see me?”

I knew that I had a lot of work coming up this week, but I began mentally clearing my schedule, trying to find ways to make it work so that any time Mark had off of work, I’d be available.

“Tomorrow?” Mark grumbled lowly, then huffed a small giggle when he remembered the time, “I guess it’s technically today.”

I wasn’t expecting him to want to see me literally the next day after our first date. It threw me for a loop; I didn’t think I’d be able to get the day off. There were a few pressing work matters that I had already put off for our first date, and I couldn’t ignore them any longer.

“Sure. But it would have to be in the evening, is that okay?” I said, trying to sound as though that wasn’t my lame way at getting him to come over to my house late at night.

“I don’t mind one bit.” Mark replied slowly, sounding as though he was out of breath a little. His sleepy tone was starting to sound seductive, and the low and rasp of his voice made my dick swell a little.

I knew good and well that I wasn’t inviting Mark over for sex, even though every fiber of my being wished it would go in that direction. I didn’t want him to think that, though; I seriously had no other time to meet him.

My time with Mark would come, and when it did, I’d praise myself for waiting and making it special. He’s the kind of boy worth taking your time with, and I didn’t need Tyler to tell me that one.

“Don’t worry, just hanging out. We can watch a movie if you want. I’ll cook you something. Tell me your favorite meal and your favorite movie.” I proposed quietly, rolling to the side to adjust my growing erection.

“Hm..” Mark lulled, “I love shepherd's pie, my mom used to make it for me all the time. And my favorite movie is definitely Wall-E.”

He answered quickly, confidently, and happily. It sounds silly, but it made me like him even more – Mark was never scared of saying how he felt or what he liked and disliked. Tyler was right about one thing: Mark was a sensitive person. He noticed everything, even the smallest details, and was able to express his feelings so effortlessly.

I almost wished that I was like that, but knowing me, I’d never even be capable of such emotional depth.

“Perfect. I’ll have your dinner ready, but I can’t promise it’ll be as good as your mom’s. I’ll do my best, though.” I told him, rolling over to the cold side of my empty king sized bed. It was still pitch black in my room, and it made me long for Mark, to have his body beside me, close enough so I could feel his warmth.

“And Wall-E?” Mark’s voice hummed through the speaker.

“Yeah. Wall-E too.” I answered lightheartedly. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Err… later on today. Cool?”

Mark let out a breath and yawned one more time, “Okay. Goodnight, Jackson.”

I almost wanted to ask him another question, just to hear his sleepy voice say my name again, but I didn’t. He needed his rest for work, and I already felt guilty for keeping him awake this long with my selfish desires. He was just so easy to talk to, time was blurring again.

“Goodnight, Mark.” His name rolled off my tongue, leaving a sweet feeling in my cheeks.

There was a moment of silence afterward where I could’ve sworn I heard Mark smile through the phone, right before he hung up.

I couldn’t wait for our date.

*

It goes without saying that I no longer wanted Tyler to work for me. After the fiasco with Tyler and the whole “I’m going to tell Mark about you, you’re horrible, you’re a monster” crap, I couldn’t even look at him again without feeling upset.

Right now, all that mattered was Mark and our second date. I read somewhere that the first date is important, but the second date is what makes or breaks the entire deal.

I felt so nervous and stressed about our first date – I wanted everything to be perfect for Mark. I almost forgot to breathe; however, this second date was my golden opportunity to relax and show Mark more of who I was. I felt as though Mark deserved to see a more vulnerable side of me, a side that I didn’t show anyone. He was always expressing himself to me, and especially after the health scare with his mother, it was about time I opened up and let him into my rock solid temple of a heart.

As I plugged my phone in and set it on the nightstand, I went over tomorrow’s day in my head. It was going to be busy, sure, but I couldn’t wait to see my boy.

The only problem now was figuring how the hell to cook shepherd's pie… Anyway, I'm sure Mandy knows.

* * *

A/N: Shorter than usual, but I think we all know where it's leading :)


	13. Thirteen

The tension in the air around me the next day was palpable. I had Mandy come in extra early for her shift, eager to have her started on the meal for Mark.

I glided around the house at a ghostly fast pace, making sure that all of my clerical and business related work was handled as fast as possible. All the while Mandy swiftly and masterfully wiped, scrubbed, and dusted the condo.

“Thank you again, Mandy. I appreciate the help.” I whispered, staring up  from the large stack of reports in front of me, my grey thin reading glasses catching the late afternoon light with a bright flare.

“As if you could do this without me.” She said back, her eyes not even meeting mine for a second.

“You’re right.” I breathed out, “I don’t even know what a shepherd’s pie is, let alone how to cook one.”

Cooking wasn’t something that Mandy did for me regularly, because I often enjoyed eating out and experiencing the new and upcoming restaurants that New York had to offer, but I figured I trust her more than anything when it comes to that sort of thing.

Now that Mark was in the picture, things were changing, that’s for sure. I lifted my head and laid it back against the wall, blissfully remembering the night before, and Mark’s deep and sleepy voice saying my name over again. Heat filled my stomach, warming me at the thought of seeing him again this evening.

“For a pair of twenty-something year olds, y’all have an odd evening planned. Wall-E and shepherd’s pie? Pardon me but that sounds… boring, to be honest.” Mandy was clearing the kitchen top now, placing the groceries out into a neat assortment.

“Hey. No judgments okay, it’s for Mark. Those are his favorites.” I shot back, stapling together the two forms I had in my hand.

“Yup, my four-year-old nephew’s favorite too.” She scoffed under her breath.

“I’m really excited about this, okay? It’s date number two and I don’t want anything to go wrong. If he wants a home cooked meal and some Disney, then so be it. He’s gonna get it.” I informed her with a proud demeanor.

“Should I make sure your love nest is all cleaned out too, fresh sheets and blankets?” She said, sending me an incredulous side-glance.

There was a pause as I considered that for a moment, before quickly tossing it from my immediate thoughts. “No. We’re not there yet, and I’m not rushing this one bit. That’s the last thing I need to do right now.” I sighed long and hard, placing my palm over the front of my face a little. “Besides, I’m so swamped with work that I honestly don’t even feel very… well… sexy, you know?”

“No, I don’t know. In the years that I’ve worked for you I can honestly say I’ve never seen you either self-conscious or not a complete raging hormonal sex machine.” She quickly retorted, making me almost slam my face on the table.

*

“Alright, I’m going to take off. Food’s in the oven warming. Should be good to go. I imagine you can figure out how to plate it… Uh-” Mandy began to say as she jingled her keys, slowly trailing off as she entered my bedroom.

I was in the middle of changing, standing in front of my mirror, just nearing the last top button on my dress shirt. It was a dark and deep red color. The same color of a rose. My pants were black silk and fitted, and my hair was the same ghostly blonde color it always was, combed neatly to the side.

“Wow, you look good Jackson. And I’m not being facetious here, you actually look really good. Looks like red is your color.” She commented, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

“Thanks, Mand. Mark should be here within the hour.” I said, still examining my outfit in the mirror, smoothing out any wrinkles I found.

“Yeah, anytime.” She said, turning to walk out. “Hey-“ she paused.

“Yeah?”

“Have fun tonight. Be yourself. Not the person you’re trying to become for him. Trust me.” The door slammed behind her with a calming echo, leaving me completely alone. 

I knew she meant well, but I wasn’t completely sold on the whole ‘be yourself’ spiel. I needed to focus on being the best version of myself, but I could do without being 100% my authentic self, I thought.

*

There was a timid knock on the door, signaling Mark’s arrival. I checked the time: 8PM. He was right on time.

I flatted my shirt once more for good measure before unlocking the door and pulling it open.

Mark took a half step in with a faint laugh and opened his arms, taking me into a small hug.

“Hey.” He hummed lowly, “It’s so good to see you.”

His cheeks were a little red, same with the tip of his nose.

Something in the air shifted, now that Mark was here. The atmosphere changed from work and stress to something else: warmth, joy, and a little excitement. This was exactly what I needed after my long day.

“Cold?” I said in a tone that matched Mark’s, taking his jacket from him.

Mark was wearing a close-fitting navy blazer, with a plain white v-neck underneath. His dark washed jeans hugged his thighs tightly, granting me a pleasant eye full of his legs, and a little of his nice ass. Before I could stare too long, he was already inside my house looking around, asking me questions.

“So, this is where Jackson lives…” He said, twirling around in the living room. He playfully ran his foot over the white polar bear rug I had laid on the floor - faux, of course.

“Yup. This is it…” I said back, unsure of whether it was a bit much for Mark’s tastes.

“It’s really nice. You’re really clean.” He answered, sitting down on the dark leather sectional. He placed a single hand down on the area next to him.

“Thanks. Gets lonely, though.” I said, finding a seat next to him so our thighs were touching just briefly.

Mark’s eyes were gorgeous; a stunning collection of golden brown rays, surrounded by a dark brown ring, glistening from the warm light of the lamp next to him.

“Well, I’m here now. You don’t have to be alone.” He said jokingly, but I felt a hint of flirting hidden somewhere beneath the words.

“Thanks for coming. I know that it’s sort of late.”

Mark shifted in his seat and flung his left leg under his right thigh to get more comfortable, before speaking. “You know… it’s a bit embarrassing for me to admit how much I like you.”

Mark seemed flustered. This was a new side I was seeing since our coffee interactions were so bland and one-sided. His shy demeanor was finally withering.

“I almost never get crushes, and if I ever do like someone I usually don’t act on it at all.” He maintained, “So you can understand my treating you the way I did when we first met.”

“That’s okay – I am the opposite. When I see something I like, I go for it.” I answered strongly, my eyes darting around Mark’s perfectly framed face; his pretty eyes continued to draw me in. “Believe me, when I saw you I knew right then and there that I needed to do everything I could to get you with me.”

Mark’s boyish features crinkled under my sudden flattery, he put his face down to let out a small breathy giggle.

“Hey, guess what?” I said, my hand resting on his knee.

Mark’s face came back up and he smiled directly at me, “Yeah?”

“I’ve got a large pot of shepherd’s pie waiting in the kitchen. It’s got your name on it.”

Mark’s boyish expressions bubbled over into a cute flurry of giggles. “Yay~” he whispered, performing a very small victory fist pump. “I’m starving. Work was so rough.”

I lifted my hand from his knee and onto his back, rubbing the end of his neck gently. He instinctively leaned back into my hand and closed his eyes.

“What do you say we get some food into your belly and then I can look after all of this tension you have built up in your neck and back. We can even watch Wall-E.” I offered, sending a smirk his way.

“That. Sounds. Amazing.” Mark mouthed, his voice rumbling from his moans of pleasure as I  worked my hands on his neck.


	14. Fourteen

I snuck away to the kitchen while Mark sat patiently at the dining table, eagerly awaiting his specially requested meal.

There was a large cast iron pot sitting atop the stove, the steam from the heat slithering out of the sides of the cover. It smelled amazing.

Damn, Mandy really knows her stuff, I thought.

I equipped the green oven mitts before uncovering the large lid. A beautiful assortment of smells rushed into my nose; it was a very full-bodied smell, there was perfectly cooked beef, creamy mashed potatoes, and cheese shreds that were just barely melted atop the pie.

I felt my stomach knot up and churn at the amazing aroma, letting out a low grumble. Either I was hungrier than I let on, or my body was simply reacting to the home cooked meal.

The faint sounds of classical music jingled in the background as I  plated two servings, eyeing the meal closely, wanting to make sure everything was perfect.

When I was finally finished, I took a preparatory breath in and then stepped lightly into the kitchen, moving gracefully as to not spill anything and ruin this moment.

“Dinner… is… served.” I huffed lightly, placing the heavy ceramic plate in front of Mark, whose eyes were wide and slanted into half moons at the sight of food.

He was so cute.

“Okay, oh my god.” He finally said, staring at me now instead of the food. His voice was a mix of amazement and disbelief. “Did you make this?”

I felt a response instantly fight its way out of my mouth  before my mind even had time to process it. It was a lie.

Before it got any further, I bit my tongue down and looked away; the warning words Mandy spoke earlier flashing through my head.

_Be_ _ myself _ _._ Right, I could do that. No lying.

“No, I didn’t make it. I wish I  did , though.” I admitted, hoping the embarrassment that's  strewed across my face wasn’t completely obvious.

“Well, whoever made it deserves their own  cookbook . I can already tell this is going to taste amazing, and I haven’t even taken a bite yet.”

I exhaled, a relieved laugh flushing its way out of my throat. “Yeah, I’ll send your compliments  to the chef.”

I was sitting to the left of Mark, on the adjacent side of the large fifteen- person wooden table. He was letting his legs swing playfully under him, like a slow pendulum. I could see the excitement in his eyes.

There  were a few spare moments where Mark was busy indulging in his food where I caught myself staring a bit too much; Mark’s perfectly messy hair swayed with every turn of his head.

His normally reserved and shy personality was absent tonight, hidden somewhere beneath the large toothy grins he couldn’t fight back and the hearty, high-pitched laughs he sometimes broke into.

It was odd – as I sat there a foot away from Mark, I was reminded of the many other guys who sat there before him.

There was Andre last year, who sat in front of me half asleep, and was too high on ecstasy to even hold a conversation with me.

Then there was Mitch, the sandy blond boy with the large shoulders. His idea of a dinner date was to bitch and complain about his ex-boyfriend , while sitting across from me and barely noticing I was there.

Those memories tangled around in my chest like a shot of whiskey that went down the wrong tube. It was painfully obvious to me now why I was alone for all of these years.

Sure I had a lot of guys in my life, but I was never more alone than I was in their company. All of the kisses felt forced, it wasn’t like the movies. It was just… empty. Artificial.

It was starting to make sense to me now, though.

Whether it was the twinkle in his eye when he giggled, or the way my nerves seemed to dance around in little sparks, shooting around my stomach and down my spine from just being in the same breathing space  with him, I could never be sure.

One thing was for  certain though; somewhere deep down, where I believed love would never find its way to me, Mark was planting his own seed.

Up until now I had sworn to myself that I was content with loneliness.

Now maybe just maybe, the reason it didn’t work out with all of the other guys, the reason I was alone until now, was because I was waiting for Mark all along.

Here he was now: the reason I was smiling from ear to ear, leaning in closer and closer to him without even noticing. Giggling at things that were hardly funny, weaving lie after lie in order to look better in his eyes, begging friends to cook his favorite meal, finding ridiculous excuses like drinking ten cups of coffee a day just to see his smile across the room. Because god, it was beautiful.

And here it was again, that smile, inches from me, my Mark: the only exception.

 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a meal that good since my mom cooked me the same dish on my thirteenth birthday.” Mark’s arms were extended above his head, reaching as far as they would go, stretching tightly as he hummed in satisfaction. “Thanks, Jacks.”

In  return I directed the most gracious and warm smile I could muster up. He was happy, and that’s all that mattered to me.

Although date two was only just beginning, I don’t think it’s too much to say that I managed to make Mark the happiest I’ve ever seen him since we’ve met. I couldn’t imagine it going any better so far.

“You’re welcome,  sir. ” I said, taking the two plates back into the kitchen.

When I returned a minute later, Mark’s chair was empty, and the faint sound of muffled laughs echoed from the living room.

When I arrived in the large and dimly lit room, I saw Mark’s silhouette on the opposite end, standing in front of the fireplace. His hands were tracing the numerous silver framed pictures I had sitting on the mantle.

I closed the distance between us quickly, startling Mark a little at how fast I was behind him.

My right hand innocently snaked around his waist, “Whatcha  doin' ?” I said softly, looking from behind him and past his shoulder to the picture in his hands.

“You were so  cute. ” He whispered, brushing a thumb over the glass. The chubby,  doe-eyed child in the picture was me on my third birthday. I was covered in chocolate cake and had a bow on my  bald head .

“Were?” I teased with a playful smirk.

Mark shifted his weight and nudged me with his shoulder gently. “You know what I mean.” He smiled, placing the picture back on the shelf. “Besides, you’re cuter now.”

I shot him a bashful glance and shook my head a little. He was so cheesy.

“This TV is as big as my house Jackson.” He tilted his head upward, eyeing the large black display. “Isn’t this a bit much? Must’ve cost an arm and a leg.”

“Not at all. It’s like having my own movie theater. The only thing that could make it better is having a cute boy to cuddle with so we can both enjoy it.” The words were more of an invitation than a statement. The shy curve of Mark’s mouth told me he caught on.

Without words, he made his way to the large black sofa, curling up into the crook of it. He extended an empty hand toward me, making quickly and small grabby hands at me.

I didn’t need to be asked twice.

“I’ve never seen Wall-E before, to be  honest. ” I whispered, finding my own spot behind Mark, so that his back was against my chest, and his legs were tangled into mine, socks brushing lightly against mine.

Mark turned his head furiously to look at me. “Serious? This is like the cutest movie ever made.”

I almost didn’t hear what Mark said, my entire focus being drawn toward the centimeter gap between my groin and his lower back.

This was the closest I’d ever been to Mark before, and I was slowly falling into general body chaos, every ounce of strength in me being spent on trying to contain myself.

Mark leans back into me as the movie starts, the credits rolling across the screen. He doesn’t even notice a thing.

I, very delicately, inch my hips away from him. There’s a tightness and swelling in my lower abdomen, burning its way into my crotch. The pocket of fabric bunched up around my waistband  offers little to no disguise, as my erection pokes through and tents inconspicuously.

A bead of sweat forms on my forehead, and I feel my breathing become slightly heavier. I’m no stranger to cuddling; I’m actually somewhat of a pro. I mean, I’ve done it more than my fair share of times; however, no amount of practice could prepare me for the overwhelming buzz of having my nose nestled into the tufts of Mark’s hair, taking in his sweet, unique smell.

Or the way he brushes against me when  a funny scene plays , rubbing his shoulder into my chest lightly  and turning his face to see if I’m paying attention.

I am paying attention, just not to the movie. How could you, though?

He lifts his upper body up, tilting it a little as his left arms  snakes its way behind him, reaching desperately for mine. He grabs me by the wrist and guides my arm under his armpit and hugs me in tightly so that I’m holding him with my left arm under him and my right arm is free to rest against his hipbone.

The movie plays on, and each time a bright scene comes on, the white from the screen illuminates Mark’s face, and I catch a glimpse of his glowing profile.

Time begins to slow, Mark’s warm body nuzzles into me here and there, reminding me to keep an eye on the less than subtle hard on I’m sporting, and make sure it doesn’t accidentally poke him in the back.

There would be nothing worse that could happen tonight than to have Mark weirded out and leave after discovering the excitement I got from snuggling together.

No, it wouldn’t go there. I’ve come this far now without making a move on him, tonight is no different. I’ve prepared for this. This isn’t something surprising. I knew this would happen.

I just have to play it cool and-

“Whoa, what’s that?” Mark says, looking down at the brown blanket that’s half-covering our bodies.

_Fuck._

“Huh?” I hum, trying to act as though I was enthralled in the movie.

Mark isn’t buying it.

I feel the blood in my arms disappear; a cold shock shoots up my arm. With almost trembling lips I do my best to inch away, making sure he doesn’t notice I’m doing it.

Mark sighs, covering his face with the corner of the blanket, then lets out a breathy giggle.

I feel my chest sink into my stomach. I’ve done it, I’ve ruined everything.

“Look, I’m really sorry. It’s just-“ I fumble with my words, I don’t know how to recover.

The truth is that my dick knows good and well where my mind is running to, and it’s only doing what’s natural. There’s no other way to explain it. It’s human nature.

Mark is the  best-looking boy to ever find his way into my arms, so if in fact I _didn’t_ get hard, I’d actually be more worried.

“It’s okay.” He hums, his index finger appearing at my mouth, pressing against my parted lips just as I’m about to come up with my next excuse.

“Jacks?” he asks. He’s using my shortened name now, and it oddly makes me feel closer to him.

“Yeah?” I say, my eyes alert as if he’d caught me doing something horribly wrong.

“Can I kiss you?”

* * *

A/N: I couldn't help but make another quick update. I want this to happen so badly, haha. I have it planned in my head perfectly. Just a little longer... 


	15. Fifteen

There’s a look of hope in Mark’s eyes, with a hint of excitement hidden somewhere deep below.

“Can I kiss you?” 

I can sense his nervousness by the tone in his voice. He’s wondering if it’s alright, but little does he know I’ve been waiting for this moment since the day I laid eyes on him.

“Yeah.” My answer is simple, and my throat is nearly dry as I swallow past the nerves gathering in me.

Mark’s tiny sigh of relief is followed by a faint and breathy giggle as he cranks his neck more and more to gain a better view of my face.

He finally hoists his body, using his elbows for support, turning so that he’s lying on his back, with me lying next to him, my left arm under his neck.

The tip of his tongue creeps out slowly, wetting his top and bottom lip slightly as his eyes study my face, moving from the top of my head down to my chin, examining the features, then centering in on my own lips.

I mirror Mark’s actions without even noticing, my tongue quickly wetting my lips in preparation.

Mark’s eyes are half lidded now, taking a very sultry look as he moves his head closer to mine. There’s a four or five inch gap between us as Mark finally closes his eyes completely and advances.

I feel the same cold feeling in my arms now transform into a slight tingle, the anticipation literally shaking my insides.

We’re only two inches away and I can already feel the gentle heat from Mark’s breath. It’s warm and inviting, and as I close my eyes too I finally meet with them.

It was firm yet soft, and as Mark melted into my mouth I felt as though all of my worries, my anxieties, my dreams and also my heartaches floated away.

My longing for Mark all these months, and the intense desire I had to be with and around him seemed to all collapse in on itself as his lips pushed in again, kissing into my bottom lip.

I finally had a physical reminder of all of the reasons why Mark was the one. Everything made sense.

His left hand creeps up from the brown fleece blanket and onto my right hand, moving it to his chest. Through the pounding of my own heart in my eardrums, I feel Mark’s own heart slamming away at my palm.

“Jacks?” Mark breathes out, his timid kiss now gaining momentum as our teeth accidentally clank together just slightly.

“What?” I say softly, unsure of where he’s going with this.

I thought I had Mark figured out, I felt as though the lines between acceptable and too-far, right and wrong, were clearly laid out for me.

But then he does something that I never saw coming.

“Where’s your bedroom?”  He whispers, his eyes open now, staring soberly into mine.

I was about to ask if he was sure, but the look in his eyes answered every question I could think of before I even asked. The golden and warm rays of light were replaced by a deep and genuine look of maturity.

I toss my head back in a quick nudge, gesturing toward the marble white hallway that leads down to my room.

“Take me.” Mark says, and I can’t tell whether it’s a question or a demand, and I don’t think Mark cares either way, because he now has a fistful of my shirt, his hands grabbing softly at the area just below my collarbone as he kisses me again.

I raise my body up, moving Mark’s with mine by accident. The boy doesn’t seem to mind, he is still attached to me by the mouth, his tongue now finding its way onto my parted lips.

I come to a crossroads; I would hate myself if I interrupted the moment now, so instead I move my arm from around Mark’s neck to down his back. My other arm moves from his chest to under his knees, allowing me to cradle him.

Mark doesn’t budge; he continues his soft nibbles against my lips even as I’m now preparing to carry him to my room.

I take a mental breath in and then push off from the couch, Mark in my arms, and it’s almost too easy how I’m able to lift the boy. 

I feel Mark smile into my mouth mischievously, probably satisfied with himself and his plan to get me to carry him. I don’t mind one bit.

With one eye on my surroundings, the other on the boy in my arms, I navigate us to the bedroom, dodging the metal statue I have next to the coat closet, and barely missing the end table that sits just outside the bathroom.

When we finally reach my door, the tightness in my crotch is almost causing me pain. I turn around and bump the door with my back, making it glide open easily. I swing myself inside, Mark in my arms, and let my left foot find its way to the door to kick it closed again.

Wasting little time, I bring Mark to the bed and lay him down gently. His mouth finally leaves mine for the first time in five minutes, allowing him to shimmy himself up the bed so that he’s rested on the pillow.

I let my eyes take him in once more. There’s something different about Mark; his usual sweetness comes through in the small kisses he gives and his soft voice, yet the effortlessly sexy way he’s able to move his body and stare at me as though he sees right into me is something I can’t quite get over.

I feel the urge to charge at Mark and show him everything I’ve wanted to do to him since day one; every scenario I’d thought over, every fantasy about him I’d had in the shower when I was alone, and all of my embarrassing and well-planned intentions for the day that he allows me live them out.

“There’s so many things I want to do to you…” the words slip out of my mouth sternly, and without permission. I deadpan, looking at Mark quickly, hoping that I didn’t frighten him.

He tilts his head nonchalantly for a moment, then a smirk forms on his wet and shimmering mouth.

“So do it then.” He whispers, almost teases, in a voice that needs no further interpretation.

I feel a deep grumble in my throat surface, the thoughts of Mark naked and face down in the pillow flashing into my mind.

I crawl up the bed quickly, eager to be next to him again. Before I can lie down, Mark sits up. I swing a leg over his two and let my weight down just enough so I’m not hurting him.

We’re face to face.

Mark’s smirk never fades, and he quickly takes the navy blue blazer he’s wearing off and tosses it onto the floor beside the bed. I stop and watch, feeling as though I’m about to open a present on Christmas day.

Mark’s hands then move from his own clothes to mine; he trails his fingers up the crimson red shirt I’m wearing and then removes the first button, the constricting tightness of the dress shirt immediately disappears as the second button is removed, then the third, the fourth, until he’s at the bottom button.

I let my hands rest at my side, not moving them one inch. Mark does the rest of the work, taking the red shirt off my body and tossing it so it joins his blazer.

I’m now sitting in front of him with a pair of black slacks and a thin wife beater. Mark takes his opportunity to start removing the cotton v-neck he’s got on. The deep collar shows off his perfect skin, and the outlines of his collarbones.

When he lifts the shirt over his head and onto the side of the bed I get a full glimpse of just what sort of body Mark Tuan has been hiding from the world.

It’s slim, yet demands attention. The toned muscles on his chest and stomach flare as he maneuvers himself so that he’s on his back again. Every inch of Mark looks as though it was perfectly sculpted, and there’s not a single blemish on his pale skin.

His nipples are the only color on his perfect body, two round pink spots against his pristine complexion; not too big but not too small, perfect rosy pink nubs with a nice hue to them. I imagine myself licking them, being able to taste Mark’s body and hopefully make the body curl with pleasure.

I instinctively go to the muscle shirt that is still on me, removing the thin fabric easily so that I’m shirtless too. Mark’s attention is piqued, and he immediately sits up again.

“Wow..” He says with an audible gasp, his soft hands yet again finding their way to my chest. The time spent in the gym, channeling all of my frustrations and stresses seem to have paid off.

Mark licks his lips again, his palm tracing over my left pec, getting a handful of my skin. I shamelessly flex for Mark, wanting to give him the whole show. Every muscle in my chest bulks suddenly, the definition popping out in a solid frame, almost like it was made of granite.

“Jesus Christ Jacks.” Mark says, his astonishment turning into a blushing smile. “You’re fucking hot.”

I smile back without words and move Mark’s hand to my arm. With a tight flex, I run Mark’s hand over my left bicep. He squeezes firmly, then closes his eyes and moves his head toward my shoulder.

With determination in his movements, Mark runs his lips against my skin, his hand still massaging my muscle. His other hand is now lifting my arm, propping it up above his head. Mark’s eager kisses move from my bicep and trail down to ward my armpit.

In a tangle of kisses and licks, Mark presses his face into the dip of my armpit, nuzzling himself there. The sensation sends shivers down my back and up my spine. It’s incredibly hot how much he likes my body.

“Come here.” Mark moans, lifting his head from my armpit for air. There’s a look of urgency on his face, and I assume he’s finally at his breaking point just like I am.

I oblige, moving down to the bed with him, allowing his legs to wrap around my waist securely. When I find a comfortable spot between him, I lower myself down and begin a series of kisses against Mark’s ear, nibbling gently and sucking hard on his lobe.

Mark’s breathing is shaky, and with every chaste bite against his ear I can feel him squirming under me with excitement. A few thoughts stream through my brain again as I envelope Mark’s neck and ear in kisses.

Mark’s restraint is unusually inexistent tonight, and it seems as though he’s initiating most of it. I wonder to myself just how far he plans to go; and, if he’s nervous, how far he’ll let _me_ go.

I decide to push the limits a little farther, and I smile as I continue my kisses down the nape of his neck and toward those nipples I can’t stop thinking about.

When the tip of my tongue flicks gently against Mark’s nipple there’s a soft _ah_ from Mark. His eyes close shut and I feel his hands grip against my head, fingers running through my blonde hair.

I continue, teasing the tip of his nipple for a moment, allowing my saliva to cool him and the air from my mouth to send shivers rushing across his skin. The nubs immediately get harder, and the waves of cold seem to give him goosebumps.

I can’t help but giggle to myself as I lick away at him, the boy powerless to my mouth. When I feel as though he’s had enough, I quickly warm him with the inside of my mouth, my tongue now working as a heat source, sucking and tugging against him.

“Fuck.” Mark curses, and coming from his innocent mouth it sounds a little out of place, but hot nonetheless.

“Mark?” I question, my adventurous curiosity seething inside of me.

“Yeah?” He whispers back, breath still shaky.

“I want to fuck you.”


	16. Sixteen

I take Mark’s lips back into my own before he can answer, my lewd confession was more of a statement rather than a question.

His light moan grumbles under our passionate kiss.  Only this time there’s a hint of  trepidation, as if he’s running the thought of me fucking him through his mind. I can physically feel him weighing the thoughts in his mind.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to, Mark. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I love what we’re doing.” I assure  him, because being perfectly honest I wasn’t expecting things to even get as far as they did tonight. I’m not even sure if Mark expected it, either.

“No, Jacks. It’s not that.” Mark sputters out, “I think I’m ready.”

There’s intensity in Mark’s face, and his lips are pursed tightly.

“You think?” I echoed with one raised  eyebrow . This isn’t exactly something I want a rushed answer on.

“I’ve made my mind up.” Mark says then, his head nodding as if he’s agreeing with himself. “At this point, right now, here with you, I know I won’t regret it if we did do it.”

“I just want you to be  sure. ” I said with a breath.

Half-lidded, lips parted, and sweat forming on his forehead, Mark nods. “I am. Trust me.”

I smile, kneeling down to Mark’s face again to plant a quick peck on his lips.

“I’ll be right back  then. ” I say, disappearing out of the room wearing a lot less than what I had on when I first entered the room.

The condo is pitch black now, all of the evening sunset now replaced with a night sky. Wall-E is playing again in the living room, probably on repeat.

I bounce around the hallway, digging through closets and drawers, eagerly searching for the lube and condom stash that Mandy had promised she bought me.

The tiles on the floor were cold on my feet, and running around the house nearly naked was starting to kill my high.

After a minute of  looking I gave up ever finding it in the living room or kitchen, and instead headed to the bathroom at the end of the hall. It had to be there, I thought.

I looked  behind the mirror, nothing but Q-Tips and lotion. I checked under the sink, still nothing.

Puzzled, I rested my hand  onto my head, wondering quickly to myself if Mark would mind me taking off for a quick drive to the convenience store down the block.

Before I could delve any further into that thought, he called out for me.

“Jackson?” his voice was cold and stern.

I glided back to the room and popped the door open. “I’m sorry, I don’t know where I left  my … you know, protection and stuff.”

Mark was slowly dressing  himself now, his face was hard and his movements were determined.

“Is everything okay? What’s happening?” I asked, not sure of what exactly was happening.

“I’m leaving , that’s  what. ” He answered coldly, not bothering to look at me.

“I’m sorry… I don’t understand. I thought we…” I choked out, slowly making my way towards the bed. “I thought we were having a good night.”

Mark didn’t answer; he was already gathering his jacket that was on the floor, eager to get out of my presence it seemed.

“Mark,  wait. ” I said, putting my hand  onto his arm when he got near me.

“Move  please. ” He said, his empty dark eyes now finally meeting with mine. I stared hard at him, my confusion plain on my face.

To tell the truth, I was hurt more than confused. I felt as though things were going  perfect .

“Please, just tell me what’s going on. You’re scaring me, Mark.” I pleaded, still holding onto his arm gently.

With one quick motion, Mark yanked away his arm.

“Why don’t you ask Tyler?!” Mark’s stone cold voice faltered, shaking a little before giving up into a soft and timid cry. You could feel the hurt from a mile away.

Stunned, I backed up a step or two, unsure of what to say.

Mark advanced, walking towards the door. When he was standing next to me, he slammed my phone hard into my chest, nearly bruising my skin, then pushed his way past me, out into the hall and then out of the door.

I heard the front door close with a sharp slam. He was gone.

I looked down at the phone in front of me: “ 8 missed call(s) – Tyler Tuan _3minutes ago._ One voicemail(s). ”

It looked as though he texted a couple of times too, although none of the messages made any sense. They were simply strings of random letters, all thrown together.

I knew immediately that Tyler was drunk. He never called me unless he was drunk, and since he wasn’t working for me and we weren’t exactly on good terms, I knew it had to be something else.

I swiped the screen when I noticed that the voicemail was already listened to. That was probably what Mark was upset about.

_Great._

With shaky fingers and a nervous swallow, I opened the message and put the phone to my ear, not prepared for anything I was about to hear.

_“Jackson. Jackson! Why aren’t you answering me?!...hic. I’m sorry I said those things about you… I know you are not a horrible guy. I’m the bad guy. Jackson?! Pick up the phone! Please. I’m lonely. I miss you. I’m sorry about everything. I know you like my brother, I’ll leave you guys alone. He doesn’t need to know anything, just please… Jackson, can I come over tonight? Just you and me okay, like before? Then I’ll leave you alone for good. Jacks? Why won’t you answer_ _ my _ _-“_

The message cut off after that, reaching the maximum recording time. I felt my heart rate skyrocket and my cheeks flare up.

There were pins and needles shooting all up my fingers and into my arms. My first reaction was to call Tyler back and rail him out, but I immediately thought of Mark.

He must be at least two blocks away by now, I  thought, since he doesn’t drive and no busses are running at this hour. If I left now, I would make it to him before he got home.

I scrambled around the room, throwing together my clothes and put them on frantically. Without bothering to put my jacket on, I sped out the door and down to the garage.

I chose the car closest to the door, wanting nothing else than to just be with Mark, to at least try and explain the situation; however, even I didn’t know what sort of explanation I could give him that would make up for what he just heard.

I sped down the dark road, going a little too fast for that residential area, my eyes were peeled and darting around to the sidewalks, looking for any signs of my boy.

_“C’mon Mark… where are you…”_ I whispered nervously to myself, my face alert and scared.

When I reached the end of the third block, the headlights caught a glimmer of Mark’s blue blazer. I felt a flood of relief enter my system.

When I pulled up to the side of the road and parked, Mark already knew I was coming. He sped up, his walk now closer to a jog than any walk I’d ever seen.

“Mark!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the yards and waking a few dogs.

Mark didn’t answer; he didn’t even turn back at all, and this lack of care stung deep at my heart.

“Mark, please!” I called out, the cold air turning my voice into a grey fog that surrounded the air around me.

Still no answer from Mark, he was already almost on the next block.

“Please…” I whispered, knowing now he wouldn’t hear, and wouldn’t care even if he did.

Mark’s footsteps became more and more faint, as he moved farther and farther away from me. I was sitting now, my head hanging low towards the ground, between my knees.

The chilling air bit at my ears, turning all of my exposed skin red. I didn’t care, I hardly felt the cold, the only thing I could feel was the overwhelming guilt and shame that was now overcoming my entire being.

I pulled my phone out now, looking down at Mark’s contact page. My thumb hovered over the call button for a second, the words began to blur at  the amount of tears forming in my eyes.

_He won’t answer, why are you even going to try?_ I told myself, knowing that I was completely right. Mark was completely justified in making me feel this way, in reacting the way he did.

I knew that if it were me in his position, I would probably have done a lot worse. Still, the beginning of the night started so  promising , and for once it felt as though there was no doubt we would be together… Now I couldn’t feel any further from him.

And it was  completely , utterly, and inexcusably my fault.

Before I could even form another coherent thought, I felt my rage boil from my mind and straight into my arm, picking it up into a fist and tossing it with all of my strength directly into my passenger side window.

The glass gave out almost instantly, shattering all over the side of the road, but mostly into the seat of the car as well.

My chest heaved deeply, in and out, as my anger leveled out. I had never experienced a panic attack, but as I stared down at my bleeding hand, I knew something was seriously not okay.

The air around me seemed to get thinner, every breath felt as though it was getting tighter and tighter, to the point that I felt as though no matter how hard I struggled to gasp for air, nothing was coming.

The intense amount of dread that came over me at that moment was made 100x worse by the fact that I knew if I called Mark to come back and help me, he wouldn’t answer.

Nobody would.

I wouldn’t, either, honestly.

I didn’t deserve it.

Scared, hyperventilating, and shaking from the cold, I hoisted myself into my car, laying my body over the thousand chunks of glass that lined the leather. I slammed the door behind me and curled into the fetal position, trying my hardest to steady my breathing.

I counted to 100 slowly to myself, focusing on nothing more than just my breathing. It seemed to help a little, and as I mellowed out, I felt myself fall closer and closer into sleep.

_Seventy-eight, seventy-nine, eighty, eighty…one, eighty-_

My body finally gave the most generous gift of being able to sleep.

Sleep away the hurt, the pain, the shame, of tonight.

I wasn’t  home though; no, tonight my bed was one I made myself. One of intense cold night air, glass, pain, guilt, tears, blood, and shame.

I had absolutely no clue what tomorrow would bring, and I was okay with not waking up after that to find out.


	17. Seventeen

"Alright buddy, time to wake up. You alright?”

As soon as I woke up the brightness of the sun blinded me, every inch of my head was throbbing, and around my hands were the sticky dry remnants of blood from the previous night.

“Mind telling me what happened here?” The uniformed officer asked. He was a pudgy man, with a mustache I was used to seeing in straight porn films.

I mustered some strength and lifted myself off the passenger seat, the tiny shards of broken glass stuck to my palms as I sat up.

“Were you robbed?” The officer pressed, examining the interior of my vehicle.

I looked up at him with a painful squint, using my hand to shield the sunlight from my eyes.

“What time is it?” I choked out; my voice was a little hoarse.

“It’s nearly lunch time. Now, I’ll ask again. What happened?” the officer was becoming annoyed.

“I wasn’t robbed. I just… had too much to drink.” I lied. It was easier than admitting that I chased the love of my life down the road after he fled upon figuring out that I  had in fact slept with his younger brother without his knowledge.

“Yeah. I just got a bit too wild. I’ll head home now.” I cleared my voice.

“Be careful now, a nice car like his is bound to be the victim of theft. Lucky I was here before anyone else.” He warned.

“Thanks.” I said, shifting my attention to the driver’s seat, where I slid over to and started up the car.

*

When I returned home the memories of last night’s events came through like waves of sadness, stinging at my heart and replaying the moments Mark left over and over.

Wall-E was still playing on repeat in the living room, my bed sheets were tangled and smelled like Mark.

The exciting and warm feelings of love were gone, and even though it was an expensive penthouse suite, it looked more like a  warzone to me.

“Jackson?” a soft voice called from the hallway. Mandy scampered into the room quickly and went straight to my bedside, doing her usual motherly examination.

“What happened?!” she said, her hand on my chin, turning my head left to right with a surgeon’s gaze.

“It’s nothing, Mandy. I’m alright. I just fell.” I said, knowing that would most likely not fly with her.

“Did Mark do this to you?” she asked, her voice growing concerned, and even angry.

“No…” I began. I instantly felt a ball form into my throat. I couldn’t continue my sentence. I kept imagining the stone cold look on Mark’s face, riddled with pain and betrayal as he left.

“He found out, didn’t he?” She said, finding a spot next to me on the bed where she sat expectantly.

I nodded, it’s all I could do. I felt pathetic, like a dog that was just caught peeing on the rug for the 100th time. I deserved every ounce of scolding I could get.

Mandy looked down for a moment, no doubt finding the right words to lecture me with. When she finally turned over and spoke, it was not only  surprising, but exactly what I needed in that moment.

“You really love him, don’t you?” she said, calm and gentle. “I have never seen you like this.”

“I do, Mandy. I really do.” At this  point I was nearly in tears again.

“You knew this was going to happen, as much as you tried to fight against it.” She said, placing a hand on my leg.

I turned away quickly, “I know. You don’t need to remind me. This is all my fault.”

Mandy pursed her lips and stood up, she reached for the closest magazine and promptly rolled it up, smacking me in the back of the head as hard as she could.

The whack wasn’t painful, just incredibly uncalled for.

“What the hell?!” I said, shielding my head from her.

“Get your shit together, Jackson.” She said with a brash remark. “Stand up. Go make this right.”

I rubbed my hand over the pulsating lump near the back of my head.

“What am I supposed to do? He won’t even talk to me.” I said, already giving up.

She pulled on my pant leg, ushering me to stand up. “Figure it out.” She commanded, pushing me towards the bedroom door as soon as I was standing.

“Can I at least shower?” I pleaded, knowing that I wasn’t going to change her mind.

“You have five minutes.” She said, “I’ll make lunch.”

*  
As I combed my hair and slicked it to the side, I looked into the mirror and stared deeply into my own reflection.

_C’mon Jackson. Think of something, anything._

Mark still wasn’t returning any messages or calls. I assumed he had me blocked, rightfully so. The only link I had left to him was Tyler, and as much as I was angry at him, I needed him.

I sat down at the kitchen table next to the soup and salad that Mandy had prepared, already dialing Tyler’s number.

After a few  rings he answered.

**Tyler:** Jackson, before you freak out, just know that I was drunk. I didn’t mean anything I said in my messages. I was plastered and lonely.

**Jackson:** Where’s Mark?

**Tyler:** Huh? I don’t know, in his room. Why? Can’t you just call him yourself?

**Jackson:** I need to speak with Mark, please.

**Tyler:** You know, now that you mention it Mark came home late last night. He looked super upset. I haven’t seen him that upset since he thought he failed his anthropology final. Except this was way, way worse.

 

I shut my eyes tightly, gripping my cell tensely. I took a quick breath and exhaled, exercising all of my patience.

 

**Jackson:** Tyler, can you please give Mark the phone? I need to speak with him. It’s important.

**Tyler:** You fucked it up, didn’t you?

**Jackson:** No, I just want to ask him-

**Tyler:** He knows about you and I, doesn’t he?

**Jackson:** No. It’s just that-

**Tyler:** Oh my god. This is too good. Did I interrupt your guys’ romantic night?!

**Jackson:** No.

**Tyler:** That’s why he was so upset. He said he was going to study with friends, but I knew that was a lie by the way he dressed and didn’t bring any books with him. He went to see you didn’t he?

**Jackson:** Please, just let me talk to him.

**Tyler:** I can’t believe it. Now he knows the truth. I tried to warn  you Jackson, he was going to find out sooner or later. You should’ve listened to me.

**Jackson:** Tyler… let me remind you of all of the dirt I have on you. Do you really want your mommy and big brother to know what you do on your spare  time. The kind of boy you are?

**Tyler:** HA! Go  ahead Jackson. Do whatever you want. Mark won’t believe a single word you say, and I’ll make sure you aren’t even able to talk to him or my mom. Starting now.

**Call Ended**

 

I slammed the phone onto the table, nearly shattering the screen, my jaw clenched and my fists in tight balls.

“What is going on?” Mandy questioned with large eyes.

There wasn’t anything I could do, nothing more Mandy could say now would make it better either. I knew Tyler was right.

There’s no way Mark would talk to me again after that. I was as good as dead in his eyes now; Tyler would make sure that I never spoke to him again either, and there was no point in going after Tyler’s reputation either. It wouldn’t solve anything. He had called me on my bluff – his mother wouldn’t believe a word I said, a perfect stranger like me, especially with all the things Tyler had most likely told her about me.

I was done. We were done.

“Go home Mandy.” I said calmly.

She shook her head quickly.

“Now.” I spit out lowly.

Fear found its way onto her face. She backed up a few steps.

“You officially have the rest of the month off. I’ll cover you for it all. Go, take a vacation. Just leave.” I said coldly.

Mandy was scared, I could tell. She grabbed her jacket and then made her way to the door, closing it quickly behind her.

When she was gone I drew the blinds, shielding myself from the sunlight, allowing darkness to fill the apartment.

Alone, I found my way to the liquor cabinet, poured myself a stiff glass of bourbon and slammed it back without flinching. Everything was numb now. The only thing I could focus on was to not focus on anything.

I poured another shot, drank it just as quick. There wasn’t anything I could do to change his mind.

Third shot, I was beginning to feel a little less guilty.

By the fourth  shot I had given up on using a glass and switched to drinking straight from the bottle. My entire apartment smelled like Mark, reminded me of Mark, had Mark attached to it.

I grabbed the couch we laid on at the base of  its legs, using all my might to flip it across the room where it slammed into the flat screen, knocking it over and shattering the screen.

Wall-E still managed to play through the cracks on the monitor, so I poured the remaining bourbon directly on the screen until it flickered with electricity and burnt out.

As I stomped towards the room, my head feeling lighter and lighter, I knocked over the hallway lamp, shattering it instantly against the tile, ceramic shards lining the floor.

I slammed the bedroom door behind me and fell back into the bed. Mark’s scent was the only thing I could smell on the pillow.

As I stared at the ceiling, my head spinning from the alcohol flooding my veins, I reached for the spare phone in my nightstand. Almost impulsively I opened the Grindr app.

Three men were within a five-block radius of me. I scoffed as I opened a message thread with each of them. I wasn’t normally into threesomes, so I opted to have each of the men individually over the next three hours.

I made plans with the first one that was also the closest to  me, and then placed the phone next to me on the bed. I stared at the ceiling again with a blank expression, an absolutely numbing feeling coming over me. Nothing mattered anymore.


	18. Eighteen

Day three into my downward spiral and I  was starting to look less like a young successful businessman and more like a homeless troll.

I hadn’t shaved in so long I couldn’t remember, and the condo looked like the aftermath of a bomb explosion. There was glass, dirt, alcohol bottles, and footprints all throughout the place.

I was alone, sitting on the bathtub floor, the cold water pouring down on me. I was fully clothed, and as I leaned my head against the wall, every droplet was like a tingle of electricity on my skin. I couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the fact that I had stayed up for almost 48 hours that made me sensitive to everything.

When you’re  self-medicating with alcohol and drugs, time seems to blur; day and night are one in the same. This was the downside to  it , though, sooner or later your body just disagrees with you and says enough is enough.

This was my _enough._

I picked myself up and left the bathroom, drying myself off with whatever towel I could find. The crisp New York air came through my bedroom window, making me shiver.

On the desk was the mug that Mark had given me, the green ceramic glowing in the dim light. I sat down on the end of the bed, covered in water from head to toe.

I began to wonder where Mark was, and how he was feeling. Knowing  him though, he was probably at school or busy at work – that boy didn’t know what rest was. He had no choice but to remain busy, his family counted on him.

As I put my head down and thought it over, I felt embarrassed and  shamed . I suddenly couldn’t stand being in my own skin. All of the hurt, the pain, the anxiety and the betrayal I had put Mark through burned into my skull.

He didn’t deserve this; he didn’t deserve to be hurt like this. Especially by someone like _me._  And I… well, I didn’t deserve him – that much was clear.

I reached over to the half full bottle of vodka lying on the ground, eager to top off my shame with a harsh shot, but then I stopped myself.

Instead of grabbing the bottle I reached over and grabbed the dry clothes that were lying next to it. I checked the time on the alarm clock: 2PM. Mark wasn’t off until 4 today, I knew that much.

I didn’t deserve Mark, no, I knew that. But I still had a moral obligation to right my wrongs. He needed to know I was sorry, and that I would do anything, absolutely anything to make it right.

I wrestled myself out of my wet clothes and changed into the dry ones. I found a large and dark pair of sunglasses in the dresser that hid my dark eye circles and my unkempt beard.

With a  certain  scared  determination , I set off towards the café – this time I walked.

 

*

 

Upon arriving, the café was a little less busy than I had expected.  Usually around this time it was busy with people getting off of work and those who hadn’t started work yet getting their coffee.

I put my hands in my pockets and slowly made my way up to the front desk, I couldn’t see Mark initially.

“Can I help you?” one of the short women asked. There was a bit of a point in her tone. I knew she knew.

“Is Mark here?” I said as I cleared my throat.

The girl looked me up and down as if I was some jerk who was asking her to prom, she was clearly not impressed with me.

She clicked her tongue and then turned away, disappearing into the back where I assumed Mark was.

I let out an anxious breath, knowing that Mark was ignoring my calls and that he wasn’t shy about letting everyone else know the sort of person I really was. I deserved that too, I thought.

Moments later she popped back out, except she was alone.

“He isn’t here.” She said with a stone cold expression.

I was immediately annoyed, “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you. He’s not here right now. And if he was I wouldn’t let him talk to you either.” She moved her face closer to me and snarled. “So you either order your damn caramel macchiato or you get the hell out of here, Jackson.”

I shot my eyes away from her, knowing that there wasn’t much I could do in this situation. I didn’t want to cause a scene; after all, I was here for peace and reconciliation, not  for anger and hostility.

“Look, would you please let Mark know that when he’s off, I’ll be waiting in the park across the street. It’s really important. It’s an emergency.” I pleaded, staring directly into her eyes.

She didn’t flinch;  instead, she just nodded once and turned away, and something told me that she would let him know.

For now, all I had to do was wait, and hope that somewhere deep down, Mark was able to feel the gravity of how sorry I was, as if it was radiating from the park across the street and all the way into the café, and then hopefully, just hopefully he would meet me.

 

*

 

I sat alone on a bench and watched two pigeons fight over a scrap of bread, I wondered if it was the only food they had eaten all day. I examined the larger one’s feathers, they were  gray and tattered, but the sunlight made them glow like a rainbow with mixes of pink, blue, red, and green.

I wondered why they were seen as the ‘rats of the sky’ or like  pests

, because they were actually quite beautiful if you gave them the sort of attention they deserved.

For the first time in my life I wanted to be a pigeon, at least then I could fly away from all of my problems.

I reached down and found a spare French fry that someone had dropped on the bench. I leaned in closer to the bird and tossed the  fry towards him. He hesitated for a minute and then twisted his head a few times before bobbing towards me and plucking the fry off the sidewalk.  I smiled and sat down, watching happily as he ate.

“What are you doing?” A soft voice asked behind me, startling me.

I turned around and looked up, realizing that it was Mark. My fingers went cold and I stood up as quick as I could.

“N-nothing. The birds, they were umm, hungry. I gave them…” I could hardly form words. “Fry.” I finally spit out, pointing at the pigeon that was eating next to us.

“Uh huh.” Mark breathed out. He slung his backpack down on the bench and then sat on the other side of it.

I couldn’t believe he came, and that he didn’t instantly punch me  in the face upon seeing me. But then again, that’s not Mark’s style.

I sat down on the other side of the bag and turned so that I was facing him. Mark stared straight ahead. His red hair burned like fire and his pink lips were pouting ever so slightly. Three or so days away from him and I almost couldn’t remember just how gorgeous he was in person.

“What brings you here?” Mark was fidgeting around with his fingers, swaying his legs anxiously.

I was struggling to find the right words. There was never a right time for me to say sorry to him, no matter how hard I tried. It just never felt right. I wanted him to know that I cried my eyes out when he left. That I couldn’t breathe when I thought that I’d never see him again, that I was a shell of myself when I felt as though I’d ruined everything between us. I wanted him to know that I loved him.

“This is my favorite place to get coffee…” I sputtered out. _You’re a fucking idiot, Jackson Wang._

Mark turned and stared at me, blinking in disbelief.

“I knew this was a mistake.” He shot out, gathering his things.

I placed my hand on him reflexively; almost so quick I didn’t realize I had done it.

“No, no, please, stay. Please.” I begged, pulling down on his wrist.

Mark gazed down at me, the look in his eyes was one of hurt, but it wasn’t as fresh and painful as it was a few days ago. It was more mature now and took a more disappointed shade.

“Please.” I echoed.

Mark shut his eyes tightly and clenched his jaw. He took a deep breath in and then sat back down. I let his wrist go, secretly wishing I could hang onto  it, because Mark’s skin was so warm and soft, and for a second I felt like we were close again.

The look on his face reminded me that we weren’t, though.

“I can’t believe you would do that to me, Jackson.” He said looking at the ground.

I nodded very gently, I wish he could see how guilty and shameful I felt.

“Mark I know I hurt you, believe me, I’ve spent the last few days going out of my mind with regret. I kept picturing your face, and knowing it was my fault… I could barely stand being in my own skin, in my own mind.” I wasn’t sure where the words were coming from, but as I tried harder and harder to speak my mind, somehow they found their way out of my mouth.

“I thought you really liked me, Jackson. I thought you were different. Now that I know you were lying about everything… it hurts, so much.” He choked, I noticed a red hue making its way to his nose.

“I never, ever once lied about my feelings for  you, Mark. And if I did, the only lie I’m guilty of is that I didn’t let on just how much I actually do like you. At this point , I don’t even feel comfortable saying that it’s simply  a 'like'  … I can’t explain it.” I stumbled a little, but the words continued.

“What are you saying?” he questioned with a shy sniffle.

“I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you. You… make me a better person.” Up until  now I have never spoken truer words than what was leaving my mouth right now. I took a large breath in, “I love you Mark…”

There was a chill coming over us as the sun began to set. The pigeon flew  off, as if he too could feel the tension in the atmosphere.

I didn’t want to give Mark a chance to respond without him knowing full well where I was coming from.

“I lied to you, I know. Was it wrong? Completely. I would take it back a hundred times if I could. But I can’t apologize for all of the things I did that led me to you, because if it weren’t for some of those things I don’t think I would be here now, in front of you, a changed man.”

“Jackson..” he tried to interject.

“No. I’m being 100% serious right now. My entire life I’ve spent  with  more money than I could spend, a father whose only goal for me was business success, and no other goals or aspirations set for myself than those that fell into my lap. I never got the chance to experience what you have. You have two family members who love you very much, and depend on you with everything they have. I found myself envious of you, because I’ve never witnessed someone as beautiful on the outside as you who had the heart to match.” I felt like I was in some sort of teen heartbreak film, pouring my heart out in central park for the love of my life to take me back.

Mark was in tears. He looked away and wiped the snot from his nose.

“Mark please, bear with me. I am about to do something that I’ve never had to do before, and I am going to embarrass myself.” I said as I knelt down off the bench and onto one knee. I took Mark his left hand, which was devoid of warmth and was freezing cold now.

“You aren’t going to propose, are you?” Mark hesitated, wiping away his eyes.

“No. Unless you want me to, but  no. ” I answered, staring up at him. “I know I look like a caveman, and I probably smell like booze and regrets, but I want you to know that you are the best thing that has happened to me, and for once in my life I’ve found someone that has more to offer me than any amount of money in the world could get me.”

The sun was just barely making its way over the last high-rise in the distance, darkness was just about to fall on us. Mark steadied his breathing and looked deeply into my eyes.

“Will you give me another chance, please?” I said, having never wanted anything more in that moment.

“No more lies?” he asked seriously. “No more secrets?”

“You have the key to my soul,  promise. ” I vowed.

“I did miss you…” Mark said, a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes.

I felt a smile forcing its way onto my lips.

“I guess this is why they call it love.” He said quietly, taking my other hand into his.

 

 


	19. Nineteen

“Say it again”

“Jackson really? This is the third time today.”

“Please?”

“Fine.”

There was a brief pause on the other end of the line as Mark fumbled around with his phone.

“I love you.” He finally said in a what was almost a whisper. I could tell he meant it.

“I love you too.” I answered quickly, as if I didn’t just ask him to say it.

“You’re a dork.” He teased, “Now, what time are we meeting?”

I adjusted my tie and checked myself out in the mirror. Today I’d come into the office to do some work rather than be cooped up at home all day.

“Movie starts at 9, I can pick you up at 8:30 if you’d like.” I offered.

“Okay. That works for me. I’ll be at home.” Mark answered sweetly. “Can’t wait.”

“Me neither.” I answered.

“I have to go now.” Mark finally said, “And you need to get some work done. I shouldn’t be calling you all the time like this.”

“Trust me, I don’t mind. Not at all.” I assured him. “Anyway, see you tonight beautiful.”

There was a shy giggle on the other end, “Alright, see you tonight.”

As I slipped my phone back into my pocket and walked through the sliding glass doors, my co-worker eyed me with a suspicious glance.

“Hot date tonight?” he asked with a smirk.

“You could say that…” I exhaled back, heading towards my door.

“Anyone I know?” He pressed.

“Trust me, you don’t know him.” I said back confidently. “This one is… different.”

*

When I returned home from the office that day I was happy to see that the condo was at least looking like its normal self again; I was forced to hire a temporary replacement for Mandy on account of her being out of the country on vacation for the rest of the month.

The broken glass, dirt stained floors, and wildly misplaced furniture were all repaired, the floor shone with a pristine glisten and the flat screen was completely replaced.

“Hello?” I shouted into the seemingly empty place.

“Good. You’re home.” A tan skinned man said. He was around four feet tall, had a very aged face and a grey mustache.

“Looks like you did a really good job.” I said, taking a look around again.

“I need to get paid so I can get out of here.” He demanded, already packing his things up.

“What’s the damage?” I asked, retrieving my wallet.

“Let’s see… four thousand… three hundred… twenty nine.” He answered coldly, pulling receipts from his coveralls.

I winced at the sound of that, but proceeded to write the check anyway. I knew this would happen – something told me that it wasn’t going to be cheap to fix all of the damage I’d created.

If only I could pay this man to fix the catastrophe that occurred between Mark and Tyler; unfortunately, that’s something I would need to do myself slowly.

“Thanks. Bye.” The short man coughed out before slamming the door behind him.

I breathed a sigh of relief and then headed to my bedroom. I had a few hours before I needed to get Mark, so I decided to use this time to come up with ways to surprise Mark for his birthday next week.

Part way through the brainstorming I came to a bit of a sad realization; aside from the basic stuff, I didn’t know _that_ much about Mark. Sure he was beautiful, and funny, and made me laugh a lot, but I didn’t know the deeper things about him.

What keeps Mark up in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep? What was the most played song on his iPod? When he was alone in the shower, what are the things going through his mind? What made him tick, and what were his favorite places to be?

_You’re not fucking this up, Jackson._ I frantically reached for a pencil and the notepad next to my dresser.

With a freakish determination I quickly scrawled down a few goals. Mark needed to know that I was serious now – the old Jackson was no more.

His birthday was next week, and I knew that I needed to show Mark that I was about more than words. Sure, it’s easy for me to say that I love him, but I want him to _feel_ that I do.

With a devious smirk I looked down at my checklist: Mark was probably expecting something lavish from me for his birthday. If anything, he most likely thought I was going to buy him a vehicle or something materialistic along those lines. And to be fair, that did cross my mind a few times.

But no, this was the new and improved Jackson – Mark’s boyfriend, Jackson.

_Man that has a ring to it. God, Mark is so cute. And I’m his boyfriend. He’s MY boyfriend._

_Okay, focus._

Most of the time I’d have Mandy pick up a gift and call it a day, especially if it was a family member or something. She was good at that stuff. But I was realizing that now it was my turn to become good at it.

In order to make the gift as meaningful as possible I decided to swear off money altogether. Just to be safe, so that I didn’t cave and buy him an expensive necklace or something.

I Googled a few things about love; what it means to get to know someone, how to know if you love someone and everything began to start making sense.

They say that when you really get to know someone, all of their physical characteristics start to fade away. You begin to dwell in the energy of that person, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty or looks. You can lust after it, sure, be infatuated by it, and want to own it. But you can’t fall in love with it. You can love it with your eyes, but not your heart. That’s why when you really connect with a person, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

I bookmarked the article and closed my phone. I knew that I lusted after Mark, that much was true, and although I hadn’t been in love before, per se, I felt as though I knew I was in love with Mark. That’s what this was.

The way I hurt when he was gone, the way my day was instantly brighter just by his presence, even hearing his half asleep voice on the phone was enough to ignite flames in my stomach. Everything he touched was so warm to me.

If that wasn’t love, then I wasn’t sure what was. But reading the article gave me an insight – I needed not only to get to know Mark on a deeper level, but one that was deep enough to the point that I could write essays about the sort of person Mark was.

I checked the time, realizing it was time to get ready and go. I closed the notebook and slid it into my desk. Operation: Discover Mark was officially in progress.

*

“Where’s your car?” Mark asked when he popped out of the house and stepped down the ledge.

I was standing alone on the sidewalk, eagerly awaiting him, “I walked.”

Mark gave me a very questioning gaze and a confused laugh, “You. Jackson Wang, walked?”

“What can I say?” I shrugged, “I thought it was a beautiful night for a walk.”

Mark rewarded me with a large eye smile. It beamed down on me and I felt my cheeks flare up with warmth.

“Let’s go, then.” He said when he reached me.

“After you.” I gestured.

We walked side by side, the sun had already set, leaving the street completely dark except for the few streetlights that flickered above us at every block.

“We might be a little late now that I think about it…” I said nervously, looking at the time.

“That’s fine.” Mark said with a sigh, “I like this.”

Without my knowledge, we had gotten closer and closer. Mark’s knuckles were brushing up against mine after every second step we took. I couldn’t tell if he was doing it on purpose or if it was just by chance.

“The first fifteen minutes are just previews anyway.” I choked out, focussing almost completely on the soft skin grazing my hand, begging to be grabbed.

Before I could make my move, Mark was the one who latched onto me. His fingers weaved their way into mine, clasping me gently, almost as if he was asking for permission.

I grasped onto Mark’s hand firmly, assuring him that it was fine. This part of town wasn’t the best, especially late at night. I knew that much, but opportunities like this don’t present themselves all the time.

Up ahead I noticed two darkly clothed men approaching, they appeared to be drunk. Their steps were wobbling and their movements were erratic.

Mark clenched my hand even tighter. “Should we switch to the other side?” he whispered.

“Nah, it’s okay.” I answered just as quiet. “I’ll protect you.”

Truthfully I wasn’t sure if the men would try anything, especially with three other people on the other side of the street, but you couldn’t ever be sure about these sorts of people - especially if they were drunk.

As we got closer to them, about three metres away, their drunken slurs began to quiet down. They noticed us approaching and got silent.

Mark let go of my hand, probably to protect us in case they had an issue with gay people, the number of hate crimes in the area was on the rise.

I tensed my jaw up and looked at them in the eyes. “Gentlemen…” I said sternly.

They didn’t answer, they just stopped and gave what looked like a death stare to Mark and I.

I could feel how uncomfortable Mark was so I didn’t stop to chat, I just continued walking. When we were a few feet away they began to chatter. I heard a few derogatory slurs being passed back and forth between them, most likely about us, but I chose to ignore it.

Old Jackson would’ve turned around so quickly, but for Mark’s sake I chose to pretend they hadn’t said anything. Besides, Find Dory was waiting.


	20. Twenty

I have to be perfectly honest, when I set out the door on Saturday night I wasn’t expecting things to be as chill as they were.

Where I would usually hop into one of my cars and jet off into the night, I was now waiting at the bus stop for Mark to get off. I would see his red hair in the window as the bus pulled up to the curb, his head bob down the aisle and then meet his bright smile at the door so that we could walk to my place.

Where I would usually be at a night club, mentally sizing up the night’s gentlemen, I was now at home with Mark, surrounded by flour, baking powder, and cooking supplies.

Where I was usually wearing a fancy tailored suit or a shirt that cost me $150, I was now sporting a green checkered apron, Mark by my side wearing the exact same thing but in red.

I checked my phone, it was 10PM. It was an odd feeling, but not a bad one, that I was subconsciously wondering what I would be doing if Mark wasn’t in my life now. 10PM usually meant that I was already at the bar, or at least talking to someone on the way there.

Except now I was checking my phone because I wanted to know how much time was left on the chocolate chip cookies I was attempting to bake; I use that word sparingly, too, because we all know baking wasn’t my forte.

Mark was watching carefully as I pulled the tray from the oven, the pan was hot, even through the large oven mitts I had on. I dropped the sheet onto the counter and blew at the cookies, as if that would do anything.

Mark giggled and let me know that they smelled promising. I double checked the color, everything seemed okay. They were a golden brown color and the chocolate was a deep rich brown, melting into itself in small gooey circles.

“Babe, grab the milk will you?” Mark said, approaching the cookies. He picked one up and circled it around in his hands, inspecting every inch.

I held my breath as I watched Mark sniff the cookie a few times. This was the moment of truth.

Mark dunked the cookie into the milk and took a small bite. The cookie crumbled instantly into his mouth.

“Mmmm” he hummed, which sounded like good news.

“How is it?” I asked with a small gulp and wide eyes. I could mix Mark any drink he wanted, no matter how intricate, with my arms tied behind my back and blindfolded, I thought to myself, but I had no power when it came to things he actually liked.

“It’s good.” He said simply, taking another small bite. “Crunchy.”

I grabbed one off the pan and took an aggressive bite, the cookie cracked in half into my mouth. I let the taste sink in, wanting to see how good they actually were. I was extremely surprised.

“These are amazing! Oh my god.” I shouted almost too loud, quickly shoving another bite into my mouth. “What the hell?”

I grabbed the box again, rereading the directions. “Did I do this properly?!”

“It was all you.” Mark smiled, dipping his cookie delicately. “Give yourself more credit, you did awesome.”

“That was so easy!!” I exclaimed, ripping my cupboard doors open before rummaging through the remaining boxes I had in there.

“What are you doing?” Mark wondered.

I quickly scanned the titles of each baked good: biscuits, scones, cinnamon rolls, French toast.

“I hope you’re hungry. I’m making something else now.” I said, a happy determination in my voice.

“Jacks-“ Mark stopped me.

“No, I’m doing it!” I yelled back from the cupboard. “Call me Betty Crocker now.”

“OK, Jackson Crocker. Let me answer my phone, I think someone is calling.” Mark answered, I heard his footsteps retreat into the hallway.

After making my choice, I pulled the cinnamon roll mix out and pulled up a recipe on Google. I was more than determined to show Mark that I could bake all of the sweet and sugary goods that he liked.

“Babe?” Mark called from the next room.

“Yeah?!” I yelled back with my tongue sticking out, focusing on measuring the proper amount of cinnamon.

“Phone’s for you.” He said as he entered the room again, handing me his cell.

_Who is it?_ I silently mouthed to him, covering the microphone.

“Tyler. I don’t know why…” Mark said with a don’t-ask-at-me sort of look.

I rubbed my hands into my apron quickly to clean them off and then took the call in the living room.

“Hello?...” I said, confused.

“Hey, it’s me. Tyler.” Tyler said, he didn’t sound angry. He didn’t sound like anything, actually.

“What’s up?” I asked innocently.

“I don’t know if you can tell, but I know that you and Mark are officially a thing. And you know what? I don’t care.” Tyler stated firmly.

“Okay?...” I said, unsure of where this was going.

“Oh, and I got a boyfriend.” Tyler spit out quickly. “Just thought you should know. So, yeah.”

I cleared my throat a little, still not sure of what this had to do with me. “Okay Tyler, I’m happy for you.”

“Babe, what does he want?” Mark said as he poked his head from around the corner.

“It’s nothing, he’s just bragging about his new boyfriend.” I whispered back away from the speaker.

“Look, I want you to know I’m still pissed off at you. Mark didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Still… he’s over there now with you, so I guess that explains where he is with all of this.” Tyler said.

“We’re happy, Tyler. Mark knows everything about me, and he loves me. I don’t know what else I can do to make you feel at least civil to me.” I replied.

Tyler scoffed a little into the mic, “I’m not going to like attack you or anything if we see each other. Mark made his decision, so I’m going to stick by him whether I like it or not. I changed too, you know. And besides, I have a boyfriend now so I probably won’t see you guys at all anyway.”

“That’s…” I paused. “I’m happy for you, Tyler. Just know that.”

“Yeah well, I don’t need your happiness. Just don’t fuck anything up from here on out or you’ll have me to answer to.” He scowled, it wasn’t nearly as intimidating as he must’ve thought it’d be.

“Alright big guy. I gotta go, we’ve got a long night planned.” I answered with a chuckle.

“Gross. I don’t want to know anything like that. I’ll be busy with plans of my own.” He shot back, “Now, goodbye.”

He hung up.

I sigh and put the phone down on the coffee table.

As I was about to leave, a shimmer of black caught my eye from under the table. It was a leather bound book.

I picked it up. It looked pretty aged. Probably an old notepad I had used for taking meeting minutes or writing down important lists for clients.

When I turned the first page I knew I was wrong.

Chad, Joel, Evan, Caleb… the list of names was endless, each with their own number scribbled neatly beside it, and also an affectionate note to remind me of who was who: giant penis, nice ass, perfect teeth, strong thighs, etc. I shivered thinking about how shallow I used to be.

“I think this cinnamon bun dough is going to deflate…” Mark called out to me from the kitchen. “Should I try to revive it?”

I was caught off guard, “I’ll be right there. Hang on!” I said before closing the book.

Just as I was about to put the book back, a few things flashed through my mind’s eye. One being Mark, and how mundane and simple tonight was with him. The milk we were drinking wasn’t bourbon, scotch, or vodka.

We weren’t having sex in three different places in three different positions wildly, all the while being high on MDMA or some other sort of party drug.

Mark wasn’t a faceless, meaningless guy whose worth could be summed up by a number and a one sentence description about how nice his genitals were.

I was proud that he wasn’t in that book, and as I rubbed my fingers over the edge of the cover I couldn’t help but feel freed from that sort of life.

Sure, I wasn’t surrounded by men that wanted nothing more than to be with me, and my night tonight could definitely be defined as “boring” by anyone who knew the old me. But that was just it: It _was_ boring, but that’s exactly what I was looking for all along.

It was good boring, perfectly boring in fact. The most fun I’ve ever had while being bored, actually.

I couldn’t wait to be free of that lifestyle and each and every single person in that book that went along with it – I couldn’t wait to begin a life free from lies, artificial feelings, forced companionship, and deceit.

“Jackson?” Mark whispered, waddling into the room as cute as can be. “You alright? What’s that?”

I took a deep breath, exhaled, then tossed the book into the fireplace. It caught fire instantly, the paper being charred to nothingness before our eyes.

“It’s nothing. Absolutely nothing.” I said back confidently as the flames got larger. “I was just thinking about how much I love you, actually.”

“Oh yeah?” Mark said, clasping his hand into mine. “Tell me more.”

“Oh I plan to, later on. That’ll be your dessert.” I grinned.

“Can we watch Wall-E again?” Mark asked as we exited the living room.

“Sure.” I said back, planting a small kiss on the back of his hand.

 

#  ** THE ONLY EXCEPTION. **

> I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance.  
> And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
> 
> Because none of it was ever worth the risk.
> 
> But you are, the only exception.

 

* * *

** Thank you guys so much for reading this story, I really hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always upvotes comments subs are all appreciated and lets me know if you guys are liking what you're getting in terms of updates. Stay tuned for my other stories <3 xoxo **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading you guys, means the world to me :)


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